Gnomish Limericks (poetry)
Written and performed by the gnome Starchitin Elfpeer, the sole purpose of these limericks are to annoy. Not being a bard, or any other type of performer unless it serves to annoy, his limericks are not always the best written.
- 1 The Original
- 2 Number Two
- 3 The Following
- 4 New Development
- 5 Popularity
- 6 Continuing
- 7 Conclusion
Lyrics of the Original
"There once was a fellow from Sol Haven He fell in love with a black raven Till one bloody morn his manhood was shorn By the beak of his beloved."
Seeing the looks of disgust on the faces of the adventurers he sang his creation for delighted the little gnome to no end, causing him to sing it to any he could get to stay in one place long enough to hear it.
The first may very well have been the last if not for a trouble maker coming to town and causing the locals seemingly unending grief. The little gnome couldn't resist creating a little ditty to sing behind the troublemaker's back and amuse himself and others. When one day the troublemaker wandered in and heard the limerick, his reaction taught Starchitin a valuable (to him anyway) lesson; limericks can be used to annoy much better when they're about the listener.
Lyrics of Number Two
"There once was a fellow named ####ner he went and tried on a bostier he pulled it too tight it was such a freight he suddenly looked like a rapier!"
(note: name obscured to protect the guilty)
After learning the power of limericks to aggravate and annoy, he immediately started writing more about whoever happened to be around. In the process, inadvertently reveling that he had a much larger vocabulary then any would think a gnome capable of.
"There once was a chick named Meirit she looked a lot like a ferret one day she did squeal after Maelkyth had a feel because she had bared it"
"There once was a fellow named Maelkyth he had a troublsome engastrimyth so he made up a noose but it was loose and so there is no epimyth "
"Once there was a guy named Urisk He was watching Llauruna perform burlisque when she bent over he'd found his new lover good thing he's not got a skerrick"
After a while he also started memorializing important events and lost residents in his limericks. Especially if those events were embarrassing to the subjects. He delighted in his writing to no end, immortalizing many residents in gnomish mischief.
Ode to Grandsome
"There once was a thief named Grandsome he wasn't anywhere near handsome he ran accross a monkey then things got all funky the beast killed him and asked for a ransom"
Ode to WidleBeest
"There was once a locksmith named 'Beest He was nowhere near being the least he picked lots of boxes and outsmarted the foxes Till one day they gave him a big feast"
After a while, some locals in River's Rest started to think it somewhat of an honor to have a limerick written about them by the troublesome gnome. Being pests to the pest, they badgered him into reluctantly creating limericks about them.
Forced the First
"There once was a munchkin named Bumples He had a brother named Scrumples He found a dark elf and he thought to himself "I'd date her but I'd end up with the Mumples."
Forced the Second
"There once was a goddess named Kalanira She was married to a halfling with progeria She wished him to be well So she cast him a spell Now he thinks he's married to Salanira"
As the years have progressed, the gnome has created many other limericks. A selection of which are included below, some are not included because they are SO horrible they should be allowed to fade from history, others because there simply is not enough space for all of them.
"There is an empath named Bijou the gnomes she would heal were quite few Till one came aroun and swept her arse down and said "Heal me or you'll turn blue""
"There once was a harpy named Godyva She sure had a lot of saliva she spit on a troll and knocked it out coll can annathing possibly survive'ha?"
"There was a cleric in the Rest he thought he was the best till he picked a lock and was knocked off his block who would have ever gest"
"Conlin the giant wasn't very self reliant buryed by a wight it was such a fright now he's so much more pliant!"
"There once was a sorcerer named Marclar he sure had a lota hair it went this way and that so not even a hat could tame that great hairy bear"
"There's a ranger named Katrian she lived inside a latrian she picked a box and it gave her the pox now she's much more serene"
Last and Final
"Apoc was a great picker there was naeone quicker till he found a boomer it was a big doomer now he's the picker with liquer!"
While the little troublesome gnome has started traveling more outside of town, he's always on the lookout for new subjects for his awefull art. Those that run into him should beware or they may end up the subject of the first limerick he writes outside the Rest.