Parody Songs of Elanthia

Parody Songs of Elanthia by Aulis, Rozy, & Leifa

The following were used for Simucon 2015:

Sweet Caroline (Neil Diamond)

When I logged in, I can't begin to remember when
But then I know I'm growing strong
Oh, wasn't the swing, whooo
And swinging became casting
Who'd believe I'd play an empath

Hands, touching keys, roleplaying out
Fighting orcs, healing wounds
Oh, sweet GemStone
Good times never seem so good
I've been inclined to believe it never would

And now I, look at the screen, whooo
And it don't seem so lonely
We fill it up with only roleplay, oh
And when I hurt
Casting spells to heal me
How can I bleed to death when an empath

Hands, touching keys, roleplaying out
Fighting orcs, healing wounds
Oh, sweet GemStone
Good times never seem so good
I've been inclined to believe it never would

Ohhhh, sweet GemStone, good times never seem so good

Summer Nights (John Travolta & Oliva Newton John / Grease)

GemStone lovin' she can type fast
GemStone lovin' at long last
Met a sylvan crazy for me
Met an Elf cute as can be
GemStone days huntin away, to uh-oh those Elanthian nights
Uh Well-a well-a well-a huh

Paste me more, paste me more

Did you go to the inn?

Paste me more, paste me more

Does he have a twin?

Uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh
needed defense, she cast me a spell
had a bounty, he gave me his shell
I saved her body, she nearly departed
He gave me a map, areas thought uncharted
GemStone text, not so perplexed, but uh-oh those Elanthian nights
Uh well-a well-a well-a huh
Paste me more, paste me more
Was he a knight?
Paste me more, paste me more
Did she still have her sprite?
Uh-huh-uh-huh-uh-huh-uh-huh
Showed her my big two-handed blade
Showed him my pants made of suede
We made out on the Vaalor ferry
That lake monster was so scary!
GemStone text, wonder what's next, but uh-oh those GemStone nights
Uh well-a well-a well-a huh
Paste me more, paste me more
Did you kill that big stag?
Paste me more, paste me more
I'm not gonna gag
shoo-bop bop, shoo-bop bop, shoo-bop bop,shoo-bop bop, shoo-bop bop, shoo-bop bop, shoo-bop bop, YEH
He friended me warm, then took my hand
She got friendly, her legs were so grand
He was sweet, not at all mean
She was good, like a queen
Woah!
GemStone heat, sylph and elf meet, but uh-oh those Elanthian nights
w00t, w00t, w00t
Paste me more, paste me more
How much silver did he spend?
Paste me more, paste me more
How good can she bend?
The server crashed, almost the end
Then I told her, I was to ascend
She looked at me, with a puzzled "how?"
I told her Kai would allow.
GemStone dreams all full of themes
bu-ut oh, those Gem-Stone nights....
Paste me more, paste me more!

Bad Romance (Lady Gaga)

Jaired is bad at romance
Jaired is bad at romance

Lah, lah, la la la
Noona, Noona
Ga,Ga boo la la
Jaired's horrible romance

I want your opression, I want your facepalms
I want your fire vials, long as it's napalm!
I want your hate, hate, hate
I want your hate

I want your hatred, all for Vaalor
I want your Elven, mired with calor
I want your hate, hate, hate, hate
I want your hate
(hate, hate, hate I want your hate)

You know that I hate you
And you know, I will beat you
Cause I'm bad, bad at romance

I want your hate and I want your revenge
I already wrote a book of bad romance
I want your hate and I want your revenge
Please read my bad book of romance

Jaired is bad at romance
Jaired is bad at romance

Lah, lah, la la la
Noona, Noona
Ga,Ga boo la la
Jaired's horrible romance

I want your horror, I want your oppression
With us Tehiri, its such a long session
I want your hate, hate, hate, hate
I want your hate

I want your psycho, your knife to stick
Want you in my bar, drinkin till you're sick
I want your hate, hate, hate, hate
I want your hate

(hate, hate, hate, I want your hate)
You know I drink whiskey
And tend to get frisky
(cause I like that free wench, Tehiri)
I'm so bad, bad at romance

I want your hate and I want your revenge
I already wrote a book of bad romance
I want your hate and I want your revenge
Please read my bad book of romance

Jaired is bad at romance
Jaired is bad at romance

Lah, lah, la la la
Noona, Noona
Ga,Ga boo la la
Jaired's horrible romance

stab, stab it faster
Kill, kill the frigin' caster
Stab, stab it faster
Don't scroll, scroll the master

I want your hate and I want your revenge
I already wrote a book of bad romance
I want your hate and I want your revenge
Please read my bad book of romance

Jaired don't want to be friends
(He's so bad bad at romance)
Jaired don't want to be friends
(He's so bad bad at romance)
(Wrote about a bad bad romance)

Jaired don't want to be friends
(He's so bad bad at romance)
Jaired don't want to be friends
(He's so bad bad at romance)
(Wrote about a bad romance)
Jaired's so bad at romance

So bad bad at romance
Wrote about bad romance
So bad bad at romance
So bad bad at romance
Wrote about bad romance

Lah, lah, la la la
Noona, Noona
Ga,Ga boo la la
Jaired's horrible romance

Fresh Prince of Bel-Air Theme Song (Will Smith)

This is a story all about how
My life fipped-turned upside down
And I liked to a minute
and sit right there
And tell you how I became the guard of a town called Vaalor

In the Elven Nations born and raised
On the battlefield was where I spent most of my days
Fightin' yellin' swingin' ma long pole
And all shootin some arrows at that troll
When a couple of orcs
who were up to no good
started makin' trouble in my neck of the wood
I got in one lil fight and my mom got scared
She said your movin with your lord and lady in Vaalor

I got excited and delighted day after day, and she let me
pack my backpack and sent me on my way
She gave me a kiss and then she gave me my portal ticket
So I pulled on my boots and said I might as well split

I whistled for a carraige and when it came near
There was a gnome drivin while drinkin' a beer
If anything I could say that this carriage was rare
But I thought now forget, yo home to Vaalor

I pulled up to a gate about seven or eight
And I yelled to the driver, "yo gnome, take care!"
Looked at that fortress, I was finally there
To settle my post as the guard of Vaalor

Drift Away (Dobie Gray, but we will also accept Uncle Kraker)

Day and after day I'm more addicted
When I look for wifi in a local cafe
I know this game I'll never lose
And I'm feeling so happy
I don't feel ashamed

Give me the GemStone to free my soul
I wanna get lost in your textual scroll and drift away
Oh, Give me the GemStone to free my soul
I wanna get lost in your textual scroll and drift away
Beginning to think I never have time

I fully understand the combat I do
The world outside looks so un-kind
I'm countin' on you
To carry me through...OH...

Give me the GemStone to free my soul
I wanna get lost in your textual scroll and drift away
yeah!...Give me the GemStone to free my soul
I wanna get lost in your textual scroll and drift away

When my mind is empty
You know a hunt can satisfy me
When I'm feeling blue
The RP is coming through to soothe me...

Thanks for the adventures that you're giving me
I want you to know I believe in your text
RP, text, and alterations free
You've helped me along
Making me type fast...OH!..

Give me the GemStone to free my soul
I wanna get lost in your textual scroll and drift away
yeah!...Give me the GemStone to free my soul
I wanna get lost in your textual scroll and drift away

OH...Give me the GemStone to free my soul
I wanna get lost in your textual scroll and drift away
yeah!...Give me the GemStone to free my soul
I wanna get lost in your textual scroll and drift away

OH...Give me the GemStone to free my soul
I wanna get lost in your textual scroll and drift away
yeah!...Give me the GemStone to free my soul
I wanna get lost in your textual scroll and drift away
Now, now, now, won't ya
Won't ya alter me, oh...alter me

Pretty Fly (For a White Guy) (The Offspring)

Give it to me Elvie, uh huh, uh huh
Give it to me Elvie, uh huh, uh huh
Give it to me Elvie, uh huh, huh huh
And all the Elves say I'm pretty Elven for a Halfling
random Elf speak inserted here

You know its kinda hard for races to get along today
Our Halfling isn't Elven, but he thinks it anyway
He may not have a clue, and he may not have style
But everything he lacks, he makes up with his smile

So don't hate, go on that date
You know he really doesn't get it anyway
Gonna play the house, to be your spouse
For he knows a way, for he knows a way
So if you don't shake, and instead fake
At least you know you can always talk to Myasara
The world needs halflings
Hey, hey, do the brand new thing!

Give it to me Elvie, uh huh, uh huh
Give it to me Elvie, uh huh, uh huh
Give it to me Elvie, uh huh, uh huh
And all the Elves say I'm pretty Elven for a Halfling

He needs some cool clothes, not just any will replace
But they didn't have velvet so he bought white lace
Now walking to the portal, he sees Elves as he passes
But if he looks twice, they're going to break his tinted glasses

So don't hate, go on that date
You know he really doesn't get it anyway
Gonna play the house, to be your spouse
For he knows a way, for he knows a way
So if you don't shake, and instead fake
At least you know you can always talk to Myasara
The world needs Halflings
Hey, hey, do that fashionista thing!

Now he's getting a tattoo, yeah he's getting ink done
He asked for a rune, but they drew a broom
Friends say he's trying to hard and he's not quite ripped
But in his own mind he's the, he's the best stripped

Give it to me Elvie, uh huh, uh huh
Give it to me Elvie, uh huh, uh huh
Give it to me Elvie, uh huh, uh huh
And all the Elves say I'm pretty Elven for a Halfling
random Elf speak inserted here

So don't hate, go on that date
You know he really doesn't get it anyway
Gonna play the house, to be your spouse
For he knows a way, for he knows a way
So if you don't shake, and instead fake
At least you know you can always talk to Myasara
The world needs Halflings
The worlds loves Halflings
Let's go get some more fashionistas
Hey, hey, do that brand new Halfling!

Piano Man (Billy Joel)

It's nine elven on a Feastday
The nightly gamers shuffle in
There's a fat bastard across in stilettos
sitting at the desk and eatin his cheetos

He says, "Taskmaster, can you give me a bounty?"
I'm not really sure where I want to go
But it's fun and it's sweet and I do it complete
When I wear so many spells that it shows.

la la la, di da da
La la, di di da da dum

Sing us a song you're the loremaster
sing us a song tonight
well we're all in the mood for a loresong
You'll get the words to fit perfectly alright!

Now Jaired in the Militia is a friend of mine
He gives me my whiskey for free
And he's quick with a facepalm or light you with napalm
He says, "Guys, I believe I'm gainin exp"
As a grin shows upon his face
"Well, I'm sure I could use a quarterstaff!"
As he doubles over from a belly-laugh

Oh, la la la, di da da
La la, di da da da dum

Now Caden is a an evil elf
Who never has time for his self
And he's talkin' with Sheru, who is no kind of hero
and will never leave us in good health

And the sylvan is practicin healing
while the wizard is casting cyclones
Yes, they're sharing a game called GemStone
But it's better than playing WoW alone!

Sing us a song you're the loremaster
sing us a song tonight
well we're all in the mood for a loresong
You'll get the words to fit perfectly alright!

It's a pretty good crowd for a Feastday
And the players all give a smile
Cause they know they want to RP
To get away from real life for a while
And the keyboard, it sounds like a carnivore
And the screen reeks of spewed beer
And they sit at the desk and hit those keys
And say, "Man, I never want to leave!"

Oh, la la la, di da da
La la, di da da da dum

Sing us a song you're the loremaster
sing us a song tonight
well we're all in the mood for a loresong
You'll get the words to fit perfectly alright!

I Want It Now (Veruca Salt, Julie Dawn Cole, or Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory or some variation of that)

I want a RP fest
Invasions and actions filled with reactions
So great of a distraction
No, now!!!

I want a ball
I want a maul
Pink dresses that totally impresses
and RP to the excesses
Give it to me
Rrhh rhhh
Now!

I want the Nations
with all its temptations
I want a shipment of the best implements
Its all my equipment
Give it to me
Now!

I want today
I want tomorrow
I want to wear'em like hairsticks
And then use them to lockpick

I want a tavern with tables full of patrons
Ten thousand kegs of ale
And I'll be the only matron
While wearing a sexy veil

I want the enhancives
I want maxxed stats
Auctions and raffles that totally baffle
without any debacles
And now
Don't care how
I want it now
Don't care how
I want it now!

Wannabe (Spice Girls)

Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,
So tell me what you want, what you really really want,
I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,
So tell me what you want, what you really really want,
I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really
really really wanna win a raffle!

If you want to win a raffle,
you better bring your silver,
Now don't go wasting my precious luck,
Get your item now and it better not suck.

I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,
So tell me what you want, what you really really want,
I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really
really really wanna win a raffle!

If you wanna win my raffle, you better be logged in,
Say you can handle the item if your ticket is a win,
Keep the item forever or give it to a friend,
and please don't disappear at the year's end.

What do you think about the item's stats,
Does it make you say, "I really want that!"?
The raffle won't be hasty, you'll have 48 hours,
pray to the gods that your home won't lose power.

Yo I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,
So tell me what you want, what you really really want,
I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really
really really wanna win a raffle!

If you wanna win my raffle, you better be logged in,
Say you can handle the item if your ticket is a win,
Keep the item forever or give it to a friend,
and please don't disappear at the year's end.

So here's a story from dwarf to Elf, you wanna win my raffle
your name can't be Raphael,
We got Jaired in place to throws vials in your face,
we got Beatrise the ranger who dances in one place,
And as for me...we'll see!
Slam your silvers down and drop in a ticket!
Slam your silvers down and drop in a ticket!

If you wanna win my raffle, you better be logged in,
Say you can handle the item if your ticket is a win,
Keep the item forever or give it to a friend,
and please don't disappear at the year's end.

If you wanna win my raffle, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta,
You gotta, you gotta, slam, slam, slam,
Slam your silvers down and buy a ticket!
Slam your silvers down and buy a ticket!
Slam your silvers down and buy a ticket!
Slam your silvers down and win a raffle!
If you wanna win a raffle!

Numa Numa (Gary Brolsma or O-Zone)

My ah Hi
My ah who?
My ah ale!
My ah ale ale!

My ah Hi
My ah who?
My ah ale!
My ah ale ale!

MY AH HI!
MY AH WHO?!
MY AH ALE!
MY AH ALE ALE!

MY AH HI!
MY AH WHO?!
MY AH ALE!
MY AH ALE ALE!

Hello, Salute, it's me, Your Mayor
And I want some real ale to show you how I feel
Hello Hello, it's me, Bluepin
I will pee, my words of love, with your name in the snow

When you die my spells fade away
Ooh a Ooh ah aye, Ooh a Ooh ah aye
Every word of ale I use to say
Now I drink them every day
When you die my spells fade away
Hey little mage stay, or all my spells fade away
Every word of ale I use to say
Now I drink them every day

I sold, my wings, my song and dreams
And I bought some ale to match the color of my spells
Hello, Helloo, it's me again, Bluepin
I will pee, my words of love, with your name in the snow

When you die my spells fade away
Ooh a Ooh ah aye, Ooh a Ooh ah aye
Every word of ale I use to say
Now I drink them every day
When you die my spells fade away
Hey little mage stay, or all my spells fade away
Every word of ale I use to say
Now I drink them every day

My ah Hi
My ah who?
My ah ale!
My ah ale ale!

My ah Hi
My ah who?
My ah ale!
My ah ale ale!

MY AH HI!
MY AH WHO?!
MY AH ALE!
MY AH ALE ALE!

MY AH HI!
MY AH WHO?!
MY AH ALE!
MY AH ALE ALE!

When you die my spells fade away
Ooh a Ooh ah aye, Ooh a Ooh ah aye
Every word of ale I use to say
Now I drink them every day
When you die my spells fade away
Hey little mage stay, or all my spells fade away
Every word of ale I use to say
Now I drink them every day

Sweet Home Alabama (Lynyrd Skynrd) (Special thanks to Rozy!!)

Big Inmates keep on spawning
RT lock me to my death
Praying that they don't groin-kick me again
and I think it's a sin.

Well I heard Karliah sing about her
Well I hard all those inmates did escape
Well, I hope Karliah will remember
To put the locks on the Asylum door, yet again.

Sweet home Teras Island
Where Hoy runs around in a thong
Sweet home Teras Island
Koar, I'm going to go ring that gong!

In Kharam Dzu they love Prince Vorgrek
We all did what we could do
Now inmate 413765 does not bother me
Does losing inmates bother you?
Tell the truth...

Sweet home Teras Island
Where Hoy runs around in a thong
Sweet home Teras Island
Koar, I'm going to go ring that gong!

Now Money bags Ardwen has got the goodies
And he's been known to sell a thing or two
Lord they lost me so much silvers,
But then again that's nothing new!

Sweet home Teras Island
Where Hoy runs around in a thong
Sweet home Teras Island
Koar, I'm going to go ring that gong!

Let It Be (The Beatles) (Special thanks to Leifa!!)

When I find myself in mobs of bandits
Mother Kaedra comes to me
Whispering words of living
PLEASE PAY ME

And in my minutes of darkness
She is fogging right to Voln with me
Bartering words to be living
PLEASE PAY ME

Pay me, pay me, pay me, pay me
If you want to live in Gemstone, please pay me

And when the headless, legless people
Corpses on the ground agree
Silvers are cheaper than deeds
PLEASE PAY ME

For though they may be broke
There is still a fight that you might see
If you pay the cleric now, you’ll
Finally be free

PLEASE PAY ME, PLEASE PAY ME, PLEASE PAY ME, PLEASE PAY ME

Whisper, ‘Yes, I will pay’ and you’ll be free.
DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN
deeeeeeeds