In The End (short story)

It had been a long time coming. Years of questioning, and confusion. Perhaps if he had chosen another path, he might never have come to these conclusions, but he hadn't. So here he was.

Yukito stared down at the holy emblem that lay quiescent across his palm. Even when he brushed his fingers along the silvered edge of the blackened blade, it no longer glowed for him. Perhaps that was only to his own lowered gaze. Maybe others on the dock saw a gentle glowing light spilling over his fingers, but his own vision was like a collapsing tunnel that only allowed him to see the symbol of everything that seemed so... wrong right now.

He had allowed his devotion to Ronan to define him as a person for a long while. He had depended on that faith, and looked to the skies above for his answers when times had gotten rough. His time and energy were often devoted to offerings, vigils, prayers, meditations when he was not pursuing other goals. It was the only aspect of his life that he now felt had been void of a true purpose. A banquet for the soul that had no true substance; Pretty dishes laid out with care, but mist and empty promises on the tongue.

His hand moved to stretch out over the edge of the pier, chill winds lifting his cloak like a pale banner behind his slender form. The symbol dangled from his fingertips, flung back and forth like a pendulum on the breeze.

One moment of his life. Likely not intentional. She had probably even meant her words to save his life at the time, but it was enough to shatter his confidence long after. He'd questioned his own strength, tried so hard to prove that he could be everything that Chaeye had said that he was not. Now he understood a simple truth. Only he could decide the measure of his own worth. He didn't have to be what someone else defined, and he had let that moment haunt him for too long. It was time to let it go.

The holy symbol almost fell from his hand to plunge beneath the depths.

The memory of a frightening stone face crumbling into dust rose into his mind, causing him to sigh a bit. The fear, trust, and despair held so eloquently in one cracked and blasted eye -- faith and courage retreating in a moment of mortal panic. He'd prayed frantically then, his silent pleas unanswered as he watched terror grip an innocent heart. He'd seen how futile it was to put blind faith in the Arkati. Ronan was meant to protect against the soul-crushing insanity that manifested in the sort of horror he saw in those eyes. Was it that he could not help, or that he WOULD not help? Either was a reeling revelation in the face of what he had witnessed.

In that moment, Yukito understood. The Arkati only exist for themselves, aid for their own reasons, and act for their own gains. Respect them fine, but worship and blind love and trust is for fools. The only strength to be trusted is your own. If you have to beg for something, you've already failed.

One of that stone woman's stone kin had understood that, it seemed. Rocknoggin had acted on it. Yukito hoped that Tephra found a truth of her own before it crushed her into dust.

The chain slipped from his fingers, dipping toward the lapping waves. At the last moment, Yukito caught it and tilted his head up toward the sky. Rather than toss the symbol into the sea, he slipped it into his pocket, the little bit of stone ashen and cold. He'd find someone that would find it useful, he supposed. Best not to be disrespectful, after all.

"I do not hate the time I spent in your fold. I respect your domain and your message, Lord Ronan, but I will no longer walk your path. It is only my wish that you do not turn a despising eye on me now, as I leave your service."

With that thought, he turned on his heel and walked along the dock as it swayed above the rock-strewn beaches below. A feeling of wry irony overcame him, and he allowed himself a small smile at the familiar silence that trailed in his wake.

"In The End" - Linkin Park