View source for Gnomish Limericks (poetry)

{{creative-work | title = Gnomish Limericks | type = poem | author = Starchitin Elfpeer | author-displayed = [[Starchitin Elfpeer]]}}

Written and performed by the [[Forest gnome|gnome]] [[Starchitin Elfpeer]], the sole purpose of these limericks are to annoy.  Not being a bard, or any other type of performer unless it serves to annoy, his limericks are not always the best written.

==The Original==
His first limerick was written upon his return to [[River's Rest]]from the town of [[Solhaven]], he wished to express his disgust with the town and poke fun at its residents.
===Lyrics of the Original===
<div {{log}}>
"There once was a fellow from Sol Haven<br>
He fell in love with a black raven<br>
Till one bloody morn<br>
his manhood was shorn<br>
By the beak of his beloved."
</div>
===Reception===
Seeing the looks of disgust on the faces of the adventurers he sang his creation for delighted the little gnome to no end, causing him to sing it to any he could get to stay in one place long enough to hear it.

==Number Two==
The first may very well have been the last if not for a trouble maker coming to town and causing the locals seemingly unending grief.    The little gnome couldn't resist creating a little ditty to sing behind the troublemaker's back and amuse himself and others.  When one day the troublemaker wandered in and heard the limerick, his reaction taught Starchitin a valuable (to him anyway) lesson; limericks can be used to annoy much better when they're about the listener.

===Lyrics of Number Two===
<div {{log}}>
"There once was a fellow named ####ner<br>
he went and tried on a bostier<br>
he pulled it too tight<br>
it was such a freight<br>
he suddenly looked like a rapier!"
</div>

(note: name obscured to protect the guilty)
==The Following==
After learning the power of limericks to aggravate and annoy, he immediately started writing more about whoever happened to be around.  In the process, inadvertently reveling that he had a much larger vocabulary then any would think a gnome capable of.

===Number Three===
<div {{log}}>
"There once was a chick named Meirit<br>
she looked a lot like a ferret<br>
one day she did squeal<br>
after Maelkyth had a feel<br>
because she had bared it"
</div>
===Number Four===
<div {{log}}>
"There once was a fellow named Maelkyth<br>
he had a troublsome engastrimyth<br>
so he made up a noose<br>
but it was loose<br>
and so there is no epimyth"
</div>
===Number Five===
<div {{log}}>
"Once there was a guy named Urisk<br>
He was watching Llauruna perform burlisque<br>
when she bent over<br>
he'd found his new lover<br>
good thing he's not got a skerrick"
</div>
==New Development==
After a while he also started memorializing important events and lost residents in his limericks.  Especially if those events were embarrassing to the subjects.  He delighted in his writing to no end, immortalizing many residents in gnomish mischief.
===Ode to Grandsome===
<div {{log}}>    
"There once was a thief named Grandsome<br>
he wasn't anywhere near handsome<br>
he ran accross a monkey<br>
then things got all funky<br>
the beast killed him and asked for a ransom"
</div>
===Ode to WidleBeest===
<div {{log}}>
"There was once a locksmith named 'Beest<br>
He was nowhere near being the least<br>
he picked lots of boxes<br>
and outsmarted the foxes<br>
Till one day they gave him a big feast"
</div>
==Popularity==
After a while, some locals in [[River's Rest]] started to think it somewhat of an honor to have a limerick written about them by the troublesome gnome.  Being pests to the pest, they badgered him into reluctantly creating limericks about them.
===Forced the First===
<div {{log}}>    
"There once was a munchkin named Bumples<br>
He had a brother named Scrumples<br>
He found a dark elf<br>
and he thought to himself<br>
"I'd date her but I'd end up with the Mumples."
</div>
===Forced the Second===
<div {{log}}>    
"There once was a goddess named Kalanira<br>
She was married to a halfling with progeria<br>
She wished him to be well<br>
So she cast him a spell<br>
Now he thinks he's married to Salanira"
</div>
==Continuing==
As the years have progressed, the gnome has created many other limericks.  A selection of which are included below, some are not included because they are SO horrible they should be allowed to fade from history, others because there simply is not enough space for all of them.
===Last One===
<div {{log}}>
"There is an empath named Bijou<br>
the gnomes she would heal were quite few<br>
Till one came aroun<br>
and swept her arse down<br>
and said 'Heal me or you'll turn blue'"
</div>
===Last Two===
<div {{log}}>
"There once was a harpy named Godyva<br>
She sure had a lot of saliva<br>
she spit on a troll<br>
and knocked it out coll<br>
can annathing possibly survive'ha?"
</div>
===Last Three===
<div {{log}}>
"There was a cleric in the Rest<br>
he thought he was the best<br>
till he picked a lock<br>
and was knocked off his block<br>
who would have ever gest"
</div>
===Last Four===
<div {{log}}>    
"Conlin the giant<br>
wasn't very self reliant<br>
buryed by a wight<br>
it was such a fright<br>
now he's so much more pliant!"
</div>
===Last Five===
<div {{log}}>    
"There once was a sorcerer named Marclar<br>
he sure had a lota hair<br>
it went this way and that<br>
so not even a hat<br>
could tame that great hairy bear"
</div>
===Last Six===
<div {{log}}>
"There's a ranger named Katrian<br>
she lived inside a latrian<br>
she picked a box<br>
and it gave her the pox<br>
now she's much more serene"
</div>
===Last and Final===
<div {{log}}>
"Apoc was a great picker<br>
there was naeone quicker<br>
till he found a boomer<br>
it was a big doomer<br>
now he's the picker with liquer!"
</div>
==Conclusion==
While the little troublesome gnome has started traveling more outside of town, he's always on the lookout for new subjects for his awefull art.  Those that run into him should beware or they may end up the subject of the first limerick he writes outside the Rest.