Kelfour Edition volume I number II

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| Questions and Answers by Tomas..... 2 Summer Bazaar Auction.......... 10 |
| Traveling Macros by Phaedra Bleu... 3 Nursery Crymes................. 22 |
| Editorial by Usul Lu'Nak........... 5 Poetry:                            |
| Guide to Tomes by Riverwind Entreri 6 Kinky Kelfour's                    |
| Another View by Dort Deathsong..... 7   by Elor Once-Dark............ 17 |
| Kygar'viir (Horrorscope)              Poetic Tale by Owlet Stalmorgan 18 |
|   by Arulis Ta'Gethrya............. 8 No Regrets by Phaedra Bleu..... 20 |
| Happy Campers Backpack Reference... 9 Warrior's Song                     |
| Mission SIMpossible                     by Gyphalan Gylfaerion....... 21 |
|   by Elor Once-Dark................18 Light's Labour Lost                |
| Hall of Fame.......................21   by Usul Lu'Nak............... 22 |
|__________________________________________________________________________|
|                                                                          |
|  The Kelfour Edition of the Kronicles of Kulthea is devoted to the game  |
|  of GemStone III on the GEnie Information Network. Submissions are wel-  |
|  come and may be edited for space,  accuracy  and readability.  Contact  |
|  KE Editor-In-Chief Usul Lu'Nak (GEnie ID: ST-ING) or Publisher Phaedra  |
|  Bleu (P.HERRINGTON) for more information. Banner art by Dagger.         |
|   _______________________________________________________________________|_
 \_/________________________________________________________________________/
  
  
  
   

      
  

                     Frequently Asked Questions and Answers
                     ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  
  
                           Provided by Tomas
  
  
Q:  Which Rolemaster books are currently being used by Simutronics?
  
A:  Although we receive all of the Rolemaster(tm) and Shadow World
    (tm) books from Iron Crown, we're currently using the basic
    Rolemaster set, the Rolemaster Companions (I, II & III), and the
    Quellborne module as the basis for the town and surrounding areas.
  
                          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  
Q:  I can't find any of the Iron Crown documents where I live. Can
    I order them from Simutronics online?
  
A:  We've recently concluded negotiations with Iron Crown to open an
    online ordering module for all of their products to include MERP,
    Rolemaster, Shadow World, Cyberspace, and others. Stay tuned!
  
                          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  
Q:  When are you going to be introducing more new creatures?
  
A:  This is probably our most frequently asked question. We have
    recently streamlined the creature creation process and you'll be
    seeing more creatures in the near future. We still have to be
    careful and take our time in the introduction of them. Not only do
    we have to worry about the entire breadth of player's levels, we
    also have to be as sure as we can be that the new creatures are
    balanced and playable.
  
                          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  
Q:  How do I become a GameMaster in GemStone?
  
A:  We currently have two types of GMs: Full and Assistant.  The Full
    GMs are the ones who are involved in the design and planning of the
    world and everything in it.  The Assistants help us to serve you
    better by answering your calls for assistance, give guidance and
    help, and will also be involved in future roleplaying scenarios. If
    you're interested in applying for a position, please ask for a GM
    application via GemStone Feedback on Page 930.
  
                          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  
Q:  How do I know where I stand in the GameMaster selection process?
  
A:  We constantly receive GM applications. Right now, I would say
    we have at least 50 to 60 on file. If you aren't "picked" in the
    immediate future, your application is kept on file and when there is
    another opening, we go through the entire process again. Since this
    is an ongoing selection, we simply don't have the time to keep
    everyone appraised of their "position."
  
                          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  
  
                                   -2-
  
  
    
  
                           Travelling With Macros
                           ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 
                              by Phaedra Bleu
                       With thanks to Taluk Ravenwood
               +------------------------------------------------------+
 _________     | Get the Games Round Table file called GS.MACROS.TXT  |
 ~|_|~~~||     |        if you have an Amiga and use SimuTerm         |
  |~|   ~~     +------------------------------------------------------+
  |~|==|   
  |~|   __ ver get tired of typing     File transfer protocols include
  |~|___||   all those boring          XMODEM, XMODEM 1K, YMODEM (batch),
 ~~~~~~~~~   directions to get to      and ZMODEM, and --get this-- you
places like Tralog's Silver Mines or   can even read its review buffer
circle around the Lower Dragonsfang    while you're transferring files.
through the Grasslands? Then, of       
course, once you're out there, you     Other SimuTerm features come in
must convince someone to lead back     handy for GemStone. First off, it
or face typing them all in again       has a 50-line chat-buffer command
(in reverse) to get back to            history that lets you get back what
Kelfour's Landing -- either that or    you typed and sent previously -- 
brave the Navigators with your         without retyping it. For instance,
trusty gold ring. Well, if you use     to hit the chime in the Temple
an Amiga, you don't have to deal       two times, you'd type and send
with this tedium anymore, and even     HIT CHIME WITH MALLET only once
other computer types can use what      (abbreviated, of course) and then
this article is about to advantage.    press Crtl/Up Arrow to get that
                                       phrase back into your chat buffer
Macros are the subject here, and       and send it again simply by
the primary requirement is             pressing Return. SimuTerm lets you
communications software for your       shuffle through the last 50 lines
brand of computer that uses macros     you entered to find (or edit) the
(which are also sometimes called       one you want to send again.
scripts), and has what's called        
a "wait" command.                      Better yet are SimuTerm's macros.
                                       These are groups of keystrokes
If you use an Amiga on GEnie, you're   (letters, commands, etc.) that are
really in luck. One of the best-       useful for automating sequences of
kept secrets in the Amiga online       commands. They're usually more
community is the existence of the      complex than HIT CHIME WITH MALLET.
terminal emulation program called      Macros contain things like carriage
"SimuTerm" that was written by         returns, and they commonly wait for
Simutronics. Few people know about     certain characters to come to your
it because SimuTerm is buried in       computer, after which they send
the OrbWars Round Table on page 898    another command without your
in file #88 called OrbWarsFE14.ARC.    intervention, over and over again.
Although programmed especially for     SimuTerm works with 40 macros at a
OrbWars, SimuTerm works throughout     time, although other macro files
GEnie, even on a 512K system. As       can be called up by them from disk.
far as I'm concerned, its only real    For example, like me you could have
shortcoming for regular GemStone       one macro file containing commands
use is that it doesn't highlight       that you use on GEnie for things
monster names.                         like signing on, capturing email,
                                       and reading bulletin board
SimuTerm is general purpose Amiga      messages. One of them could be:
communications software tweaked for    
GEnie. It automatically runs              m930;3\r\M"DH1:GS.MACROS"\r
OrbWars and RSCARDS games graphic/     
sounds front end programs, and has     I press the function key correspond-
an ASCII send function that lets       ing to this macro whenever I want
you add prefixes and suffixes.         to play GemStone, and it moves me
                                                       (Continued next page)
                                    -3-
  
     
  
  
                           Travelling With Macros
                                (Continued)
  
  
there from any GEnie prompt. It        SimuTerm's 40 macros-at-a-time work
also automatically replaces my         off the Amiga's function keys.
general macros with a file on my       Since there are only ten of them
hard drive containing GemStone         present on the keyboard, the other 30
macros -- a file called GS.MACROS.     macros are started by pressing
                                       (1) a shifted function key, (2) a
Ten of the macros in GS.MACROS are     function key with Alt, and (3) a
the ones I mentioned at the            control/function key. I have these
beginning of this article, those I     travelling macros set up to work
use for moving around Quellbourne.     from the control/function keys.
Most of them begin at the N,SE,SW      
Intersection that lies six "rooms"     So if you use the GS.MACROS file
south of town. (The macro on F2        with SimuTerm, hold down the
takes me to that intersection from     Control key and press one of the
just inside the gates.) I centered     function keys to get to the follow-
these macros on that particular        ing destinations, being very careful
Intersection because it leads          to start from the right place:
directly to (F3) Tralog's Silver       
Mines, (F4) the Hobgoblin area,        F1:  From Temple to Town Gates (edit
(F5) the 'New Area' and (F10) in a          to start from where you leave)
circular tour through the Lower        F2:  From Town Gates to N,SE,SW
Dragonsfang and Grasslands. Other           Intersection just before the
travelling macros in this set               bridge. At this point you can go
return me from those outlying areas         manually to Orcs or Graveyard
to that Intersection, where F9         F3:  From Intersection to Tralog's
moves me back inside the gates. If          Silver mines
you keep the sound file called beep    F4:  From Intersection to Hobgoblins
that comes with the OrbWars down-           Go NE to Hobs (stops at NW,NE,SE)
load in the same directory as Simu-    F5:  From Intersection to Dangirland
Term, you'll hear a woman saying            (which is AKA the "new area")
"Beep!" when you reach the destin-     F6:  From Mine door to Intersection
ation of whatever macro you used.      F7:  From Hobgoblins to Intersection
                                       F8:  From Dangirland to Intersection
Realize that using these macros, you   F9:  From Intersection to Town Gates
can travel across Quellbourne by       F10: Circle from Gates thru grass-
touching a couple of keys, while            lands/forest/back to gates
SimuTerm does all the typing. Once     
at the N,SE,SW Intersection, if you    In the Games Round Table Library
press F3, you can sit back and watch   (separate from this issue of
the landscape roll past until you're   Kelfour Edition) you'll find my file
at the black door to the mines. One    GS.MACROS.TXT which is ready to load
disadvantage is that you can't type    into SimuTerm. It contains 40 macros
while a macro is in progress, but you  (those shown above plus others,
can halt any of them prematurely by    along with explanations) which I
pressing the ESCape key.               use in GemStone. Just remember I'm
                                       a mage, and you'll want to edit them
              ***                      to reflect your skills. You'll find
            *******                    instructions for macros in the
           ****//****                  documentation that comes with Simu-
          **\\*\\**\**                 Term. Be sure to read it all the way
          ***\\// //**                 through as it was written sequentially
            **\ \//**                  as each upgrade of SimuTerm was
    ______     | |                     released. Thanks to Taluk Ravenwood
       _____   | |                     for inspiring this article.
             `'`'|__`''  * _______     
  
                                    -4-
  
  
     
  

 _____                    The Straight Line Monster
 ~|_|~                    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  |~|                      Editorial by Usul Lu'Nak
  |~|
  |~|   __ 
  |~|___|| ast month I talked about     Expecting a character to develop on
  ~~~~~~~~ consumption and creation     the path of a straight line is an
as they relate to the art of role-      illusion, too! Life, especially your
playing in GemStone. This month I'm     character's life, is a trek over dark
going to cop a plea but I'll spare      plains, through desperate valleys, a
you the lecture. I know that it's far   constant reaching after the peaks
easier to consume than create, and if   of whatever purposes we hold dear.
I hadn't known it previously, doing     It is personal and dynamic.
Kelfour Edition would have shown me.    
                                        Want to damage, perhaps even kill the
Which brings me to the plea. We need    tough/fragile flower that is your
contributions from you if KE is going   hard-earned character? Go ahead. Yes,
to maintain a monthly schedule. We've   do it! Believe that every level you
done our best to recruit material by    make, you must be better than the one
word-of-mouth but this issue contains   before. Con yourself into thinking
few outside submissions. We would like  some mythical straight line instead
to publish monthly, and we look for     of rising and falling with the paths
anything related to GemStone from the   of your character's life. Worse yet,
local or global point of view: Shadow   judge your character against another
World, poetry, ASCII graphics, buffers  character's level, even that "other
of interesting experiences, hints,      character" that was you in days past
tips, humor and fiction are welcome.    or the "you" of days to come. Hey,
            ------------                there are characters now with exper-
The biggest misconception in our Gem-   ience and powerful items way beyond
Stone character's life is the myth of   average! Against that, why bother?
the straight line.                      
                                        Because your life is _your_ life,
Straight lines are an illusion, the     that's why! To compare the two is to
mad fantasy of geometers, city plan-    demean both. We tend to compare when
ners, conservatives of any stripe, and  it will make us feel worse, not
that perverse, self-hating part of all  better. It is a terrible right we
of us that tries to tear down what the  grant the demon in our heads. It can
rest works to build. Straight lines     sap us! Enough invalid comparisons,
do not exist!                           enough self-flagellation and internal
                                        bleeding, and even the toughest of us
They don't! Pull out your technical     will sink into chasms too deep to
pen and ruler; I'll pull out my magni-  climb out of!
fier and show you each twist and dip    
and distortion. Grab your computer      All right, so there are characters
calibrated ion beam cutters; I'll grab  16 levels above you -- or who have so
my electron microscope. Escalate how-   much silver they can buy things that
ever you will, call on anything in      cost more than you even dream of. So
creation. Go ahead; I'll take three     what? They were like you once! Their
falls out of three! Light itself is     life wasn't a straight line either.
on my side, travelling paths bent by    Ask of the trials their characters
the whim of gravity. The universe       endured to get to the level of power
curves and is warped and irregular.     and wealth they currently enjoy, not
There has never been a straight line    to mention the real world financial
and there never will be.                drain!
                                        
What has this to do with Gemstone, you  Remember the straight line monster
ask? Well, the other night I was in     the next time circumstances get you
the company of one who thought that     down. Look at enough lives and you'll
four deaths that level meant it was     learn that there is no pattern to be
all over. He is wrong!                  followed. Only one to build!
 
                                    -5-
 
 
     
   
   _________________________________________________________________________
  / \                    CREED OF THE LIBRARY OF NOMIKOS                    \
  |@/_______________________________________________________________________/
  |                  |/~                                                    |
  |                  |\now Ye this; May it Serve Thee Well:                 |
  |                                                                         |
  |   The Tomes are the Substance of History, The Vessels of Understanding, |
  |   The Teachers of Wisdom; They Hold the Past so we may Know the Present |
  |_  And Understand the Future.                                            |
   /------------------------------------------------------------------------|
  |  A Nomikos Scribe said: "Knowledge is the greatest of all Tools, for    |
  |  It can Sculpt the Mind. Knowledge is the greatest of all Weapons, for  |
  |  it is as powerful when withheld as when wielded. Knowledge is the      |
  |  greatest of all Fortresses, for it travels with you. Knowledge is the  |
  |  greatest of all Burdens, though it weighs nothing at all. Knowledge    |
  |  is the greatest of all Addictions, for the more you learn the less     |
  |  you know. Knowledge is the greatest of all Possessions, for once       |
  |  obtained, its value no man can repossess!"                              |
  |-------------------------------------------------------------------------|
/@|   From Andraax's "Kronicles of Kulthea" - Library of Nomikos, Jaiman    |
\_/_________________________________________________________________________/
   
                         Guide to the Tomes of Kulthea
 ===========             ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 ||~~|~|~~||                 By Riverwind Entreri
 ~~  |~|  ~~                              
     |~|                                  
     |~|  he Tomes of Kulthea (m931;3)    Some terms may generate multiple
    ~~~~~  has hundreds of articles       articles, at which point you'll be
from both Shadow World and Simutronics    given the articles' titles.
which contain details about the land-     Example:
scape of Kulthea and its peoples, infor-  Query? Magic
mation on game mechanics and clues for    3 articles matched.
any forthcoming quests or new areas.      1. The Flows of Essence
                                          2. Open Channeling Spell List
The concept of the tomes can be help-     3. Mage Base Spell List
ful to a GemStone player in many       
ways. This lore will save people from     Enter # of article to read
purchasing the Shadow World products      or [RETURN] for a new query? 
from I.C.E.in many cases. It gives up     
to date information concerning Kelfour    By inputting "3" at this prompt,
and its surrounding areas, serving        you will receive a display of the
as an online link to the game.            Mage Base Spell List.
                                          
However, to many users, the Tomes may     That's all there is to it. However,
seem hard to manage. Typing m931;3 at     many articles are difficult to
any GEnie menu prompt will access the     locate, so try different terms
tomes. You will receive the time of the   which may apply to the same topic.
last update and the "Query?" prompt.      There are also multiple terms that
At this prompt, you may enter the term    the same article may show up under,
of your choice (e.g. Magic, Unlife,       but don't be fooled: There are many
Essence, etc). You then get a list of     articles with the same topic but a
all available articles for the query      different article number.
that you've requested.                                    
  
  
   "(The Tomes are) designed to be an imperfect research tool...The idea is
  to simulate a library with knowledge of Kulthea, as if it were an actual
  building with lots of volumes and some fairly good indexing methods. The
  power of computers hasn't been invented yet."
  
                                     -6-
  
     
  
  
                          Another View of Roleplaying
                          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
                                By Dort Deathsong
===========
||~~|~|~~||
~~  |~|  ~~
    |~|   hree fighters are gathered     True character development is gained
    |~|   at the town gates. Their       through player interaction. How a 
    |~|   tales are shared; one was      player conducts himself in battle,
   ~~~~~  given a decree by the gods     the type of reactions he has in a 
to wear only blue apparel, another was   given situation,and his all-around
burned by a black drake deep in the      speaking style gives each character
southern jungles, and the third was      his own signature and flavor. 
trained for battle by a one-armed        
gypsy that didn't know diddley about     The only characters in the game that
shields. Is this roleplaying? In most    can do any concrete thematic role-
practical situations, not really.        playing are the Gamemasters. Game-
                                         Masters create the mystical objects
The object of roleplaying is to have     that players quest for. They shape
fun. Making forced statements or giving  the setting that the characters we
pretentious character backgrounds only   play move about in.
tends to alienate characters from each   
other. A player who takes the time to    If you truly desire extravagant
develop not only his character's attri-  roleplaying, learn one thing:
butes, but also his online personality,  Hang around the GameMasters!
stock of unique items and clothing,      
and a constant interaction among the                     ----
character's friends will have a char-    
acter that will be satisfying to play,   ************************************
and will also be fun for other players   |\%%\   \%% \   \%%\   \%%\   \%%\ |
to have in the game.                     | \%%\   \%% \   \%%\   \%%\   \%%\|
                                         ************************************
Roleplaying is gradual development       *             Gemstone III         *
of a character from a page to a          *                                  *
Knight Templar, from an acolyte          *           ACT iii SCENE 456      *
to a High Priest. Gaining experience     *                Take 5            *
through battle is the current method     *             ~~~~~~~~~~~~         *
of advancement, but that is only a       *  Mad Melghorn's Malicious Murder *
reflection of the amount of time         *                                  *
spent battling monsters.                 ************************************
 
 
   _______________________________________________________________________
  /                                                                       \
 /                                 MERCHANT MALL                           \
/---------------------------------------------------------------------------\
 |         $ALE             $ALE         |   DERNICK'S WELL LOVED GOODS    |
 |             SARLI'S SALON             |                                 |
 |         $ALE             $ALE         |    Top $$$ Paid for New or      |
 |                                       |      Used Arms and Armor        |
 |              ~~~~~~~~~~~~             |                                 |
 |     ANNUAL YEAR END CLEARANCE SALE!   |     --QUALITY ITEMS ONLY--      |
 |                                       |                                 |
 |     The Finest in Kulthean Klothing   |  $$$$;                          |
 |   Many styles/colors to choose from   |  $   %  $$   $       $  $    $  |
 | Rock-bottom Prices! Instant tailorin' |  $$$$^ $  $  $   $   $  $ $  $  |
 | (Some items limited to stock on hand) |  $     $$$$   $ $ $ $   $  $ $  |
 |        First come first served.       |  $     $  $    $   $    $    $  |
_|_________________________________________________________________________|_
 
                                     -7-
 
 
    
 
 
                              Kygar'viir (Horrorscope)

        __                     by Arulis Ta'Gethrya
       /~|          Seer of Thuul-The Kingdom of the Desert Jewel
      /|~|           As translated and understood by Usul Lu'nak
     //|~|
    //_|~|
   //~~|~|strology, simply stated, is a   The Signs of the Kulthean Zodiac:
  //   |~| study of the effects of the      
~~~    ~~~ positions of heavenly bodies   TILLER-STRENGTH: Practical,diligent
upon people and events. The factors in    Fall EARTH sign representing 
this meta-scientific practice are:        events which arise from hard work
   1)The Planets and Moons and            and conservative ethics.
   2)The Signs of the Zodiac which are    
constellations in sectors of the night    OWL-INTUITION: Social Fall AIR sign
sky.                                      representing events which arise as
     Each planet rules over a certain     flashes of insight or luck,as 
aspect of life or personality, while      channeled to or from others.
each sign represents a specific state     
of action or being. Each sign is tied     SCARAB-CONSTITUTION: Enduring and
to a specific element of space-time       adaptive Winter TIME sign which
matter/energy: Earth, Air, Water & Fire   represents events arising from
as well as Time. The sign gets its        struggle and growth.
chief characteristic from the behavior    
of that element.                          COMPASS-SELF DISCIPLINE: Introver-
                                          ted and composed Winter EARTH
The Heavenly Bodies of Kulthea and        sign representing events which
their Spheres of Influence are:           arise from control of ones mind.
  
The Sun  | Outer Self/Profession/Ego      DANCER-AGILITY: Graceful,stylish
         |                                Spring AIR sign representing events
Orhan    | Inner Self/Subconscious/Id     which arise through physical action
         |                                and control of ones body.
Varin    | Work/Responsibility
         |                                STYLUS-REASONING: Logical and sys-
Kuluth   | Communication/Interaction      tematic Spring FIRE sign which
         |                                represents events arising from
Rhogan   | Conflict/War                   rational thinking and assimilation.
         |                                
Thasia   | Passion/Emotion/Obsession      DAGGER-QUICKNESS: Dynamic,reactive
         |                                Summer WATER sign representing  
Ithaneus | Inspiration/Genius             events which arise through instinc-
         |                                tive responses to the outer world.
Nemeris  | Fertility/Bounty/Family
         |                                UNICORN-EMPATHY:Sympathetic,emotive
Liis     | Luck/Discovery                 Summer WATER sign.Represents events
         |                                with attuned connection to living
Ombari   | Change/Growth                  beings and the Essence Flows.
         |                                
Shiron   | Last Life                      DRAGON-PRESENCE: Extroverted and
         |                                forceful;an Autumn FIRE sign which
Xio      | Next Life                      represents events of manipulation
         |                                of or communication with others.
Atalan   | Generation/Era/World View      
         |                                BARQUE-ELOQUENCE: Judgemental,
{Charon} | Shadow Self/Enemy Within       reflective Autumn TIME sign.
                                          Representing thoughts which arise
(The Third Moon is truly an evil por-     thru contemplation or storage in
tent in all Kulthean Art and Science)     the ebb and flow of past events.
  
                                     -8-
  

    
  

   _______________________________________________________________________
  / \                                                                      \
  |  |                 Happy Campers Backpack Reference                     |
  |@/______________________________________________________________________/
  |                                                                      |
  |        OPEN CHANNELING SPELL LIST      MAGE BASE SPELL LIST          |
  |          101 Protection I                901 Shock Bolt              |
  |          102 Air Wall                    902 Magic Edge              |
  |          103 Aura                        903 Water Bolt              |
  |          104 Disease Resistance          904 Stun Cloud              |
  |          105 Poison Resistance           905 Displacement            |
  |          106 Fog Call                    906 Fire Bolt               |
  |          107 Protection II               907 Cold Ball               |
  |          108 Stun Relief                 908 Fire Ball               |
  |          109 Dispell Invisibility        909 Tremors                 |
  |          110 Unbalance                   910 Lightning Bolt          |
  |          111 Flare                       911 Mass Blur               |
  |          112 Waterwalking                912 Call Wind               |
  |          113 Undisease                   913 Death Cloud             |
  |          114 Unpoison                    914 Firestorm               |
  |          115 Word of Stun                915 Weapon Fire             |
  |          116 Locate Person               916 Invisibility            |
  |          117 Guidance                    917 Boil Earth              |
  |          118 Thought Projection          918 Duplicate               |
  |          119 Herb Production             919 Wizard's Shield         |
  |          120 Alkar                       920 Call Familiar           |
  |          125 Lightning Call              925 Enchantment True        |
  |          130 Word of Return              930 Unknown         ___     |
  |          150 Wall of Force               950 Unknown         \_/     |
  |                                                             _(~)_    |
  |_                                                           (/ : \)   |
   /                           KNOWN MONSTERS                  I\___/I   |
  |                            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~                  \/   \/   |
  |      LEVEL 1                                                \ : /    |
  |       Torkaan - Forest               LEVEL 6                 |:|     |
  |       Skeleton - Graveyard            Forest Troll - Forest _|||_    |
  |       Lesser Ghoul - Graveyard        Lesser Mummy - Graveyard       |
  |       Kobold - Forest                                                |
  |       Giant Rat - Catacombs in town  LEVEL 7                         |
  |                                       Thief Gnoll - StoneHold        |
  |      LEVEL 2                                                         |
  |       Goblin - Graveyard             LEVEL 8                         |
  |       Cobra - Graveyard               Greater Spider - Mine Crevice  |
  |       Cave Gnome - Tralog's Mines     Brown Bear - Dangirland        |
  |                                       Large Ogre - Dangirland        |
  |      LEVEL 3                                                         |
  |       Troglodyte - Tralog's Mines    LEVEL 10                        |
  |       Greater Ghoul - Graveyard       Grey Orc - Dangirland          |
  |       Hobgoblin - Forest              War Troll - Dangirland         |
  |                                                                      |
  |      LEVEL 4                         LEVEL 12                        |
  |       Lesser Orc - Upper Kaldsfang    Cave Troll - Tralog's Mines    |
  |                                                    Dangirland        |
  |      LEVEL 5                         LEVEL 15                        |
  |       Wolverine - Flatlands, bridge   Barrow Wight - Graveyard       |
  |       Greater Orc - Forest                                           |
 @|       Cave Gnoll - StoneHold                                         |
| |                                                                      |
 \/_____________________________________________________________________/
 
 
                                    -9-
 
 
      
  
  
                         Summer Bazaar Auction
 _____                   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 ~|_|~
  |~| t was a sight to behold! Never   The auctioneers made sure to leave
  |~|  before had so much wealth been  town quickly, a good thing, as some of
  |~|  displayed in Kelfour's, until   the items were cursed, or disappointed
 _|~|_ the Wandering Auction Company   those who had paid extravagant sums.
 ~~~~~ decided to hold its event this  Items in the Red Tent typically went
year as part of our annual summer ba-  for over 10,000 silver each, and a
zaar. Three tents were erected in a    Translucent coat, bitterly contested,
narrow lane near the Central Square:   commanded a sale price of 1,000,000!
Green tent for the less affluent and   
lower level adventurers, a red one     Fast talking, big wallets, and furious
for the higher members of our town,    bargaining was the rule of the event.
and a yellow one for the middle class. It was a testimony to our noble resi-
Entrance in the tents was forbidden    dents that no blood was shed. We look
to those of higher standing, as were   forward to the Wandering Auction Co.'s
the use of ESP and pickpocket skills.  visit to Kelfour's Landing again!
                                       
The sales were conducted by different  +------------ HOUSE RULES -----------+
auctioneers, to wit, Fineous Fingers,  | Deitrich exclaims, "Step right in  |
High Man Thief, Deitrich Hansa, High   | good folks!" Deitrich beams at all.|
Man Fighter, and Bairam Slimyfoot,     | "Now, good people, pray allow me to|
Common Man Thief were the afternoon's  | explain how this process will work.|
MC's. Vandella Ashkevron, High Elf     | Each item has a minimum bid on it, |
Sorceress, Taun Galadin, Common        | commensurate with its value." He   |
Man Fighter as well as Fineous Fingers | smiles. "Each bid must be at least |
presided over the evening bidding.     | five percent higher than the pre-  |
                                       | vious bid. When bidding is opened, |
They brought with them many unique     | you are all encouraged to place    |
items, some with special properties.   | a bid. When the bidding slows down |
The evening auction had these items    | I will say going once, going twice.|
for sale:                              | At gone, the bidding will be       |
                                       | closed and the fortunate purchaser |
In the Red Tent: a multihued wand, a   | may take his item. Are there any   |
runic broadsword, demon's hide shield, | questions?"                        |
a diamond dagger, a mystic diadem, a   | Sturm: "How is the money taken?"   |
bejewelled breastplate, vorpal rapier, | Deitrich: "My assistants will      |
an adamantine falchion, a diaphanous   | collect your coins, good sir."     |
robe and a wizard lockpick.            | Hrim asks, "Assistants?"           |
                                       | Zindernen: "Yeah, that ugly cuss   |
In the Green Tent: a plumed silver     | over there." Blacdrake laughs!     |
helm, a fine linen shirt, a silver     | Swiftkill: "Is there a limit on   .|
studded sheath, copper dragon skin     | the number of items one can buy?"  |
boots, a red velvet cap, a red velvet  | Deitrich: "The only limit is your  |
cloak, a Dwarven bronze bracer, eme-   | available funds, good sir."        |
rald ring, a chocolate chip cookie,    | Swiftkill: "Ahh, good indeed, then |
embroidered purse, a woolen sweater,   | onward to poverty and enjoyment!"  |
small burlap bag, a platinum key, eog  | Rilfin: "Less talk, more auction!" |
cudgel, and scarred battleaxe.         | Hrim: "Deitrich, what happens if   |
                                       | we overextend our resources?"      |
In the Yellow Tent: a razor sharp      | Deitrich: "If one is so, um, over- |
rapier, a shiny red apple, a woven     | enthusiastic as to bid more than   |
leather cloak, a brilliant falchion,   | he has, we must begin again, and   |
thin dagger, an enameled breastplate,  | his fellows will look askance at   |
skeleton key, a tooled leather helm,   | his actions."                      |
dragon's hide shield, an oaken staff,  | Zinderin: "Askance?"               |
and a holy water sprinkler.            | Sturm: "Pissed off!"               |
                                       +------------------------------------+
 
                                   -10-
 
 
     
 
 
                            The Platinum Key
                            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  
                      [Auction, Green striped Tent]
  
This tent houses a fairly downbeat crowd. Bedraggled adventurers, fatigued
travelers and curious idlers sit crosslegged on the dirt ground, eyeing the
merchandise, repeatedly counting their silver and sighing or smiling. You
also see a green chest and the display table. You see Vandella Ashkevron the
High Elf Sorcerer. She appears to be in her 20's, has very long white hair,
multihued eyes and tanned skin.
  
Vandella the Auctioneer *BANGS* her gavel! "The auction is now open. The
minimum bid is 100 silvers. Who will give me 100 silvers for a platinum key?"
Vandella says, "And what does this key open ...?"
Swiftkill says, "Someone's wallet to the tune of easy come easy go."
Cipro bids 450 silvers. The next bid must be at least 472 silvers.
Vandella says, "Even the local locksmith can't do work this fine..."
Ged bids 495 silvers. The next bid must be at least 519 silvers.
Vandella says, "This key could open a hundred doors..."
Vandella says, "... a thousand chests..." Sturm says, "Or none."
Swiftkill says, "Then again it just might get you into Cheldars bathouse at a
discount too." Vandella grins. Darcy says, "Hey! <grin>"
Vandella says, "Well, now.. there's no telling a body's reaction to the site
of a platinum key...." Ged grins.
Darcy says, "Maybe it opens Larton's back room." Yashantre counts his coins.
Yashantre bids 519 silvers. The next bid must be at least 544 silvers.
Ged bids 544 silvers. The next bid must be at least 571 silvers.
Elor says, "It may be the key to the VOID."
Vandella says, "A very select group of people once owned platinum keys... if
you know what I mean... " Elor says, "Eissa for one."
Ged exclaims, "Yeah, the Key Club!" Ged grins.
Vandella says, "Highest bid is a lowely 544... surely, this is worth more.. "
Hrim just arrived. Sturm says, "Naaa"
(Swiftkill looks at the key and reads the tag. "Motel 6, drop in any mailbox,
postage prepaid")
*BANG* goes Vandella's gavel. "GOING ONCE," she cries! Sturm laughs!
Elor says, "It may be the key from hell..." Ged laughs!
*BANG* goes Vandella's gavel for the second time. "GOING TWICE" she exclaims.
Ged says, "Or to hell..."
Swiftkill says, "Like I said, Motel 6 = Motel from hell"
Darcy asks, "Can you imagine the fame points from getting into hell?"
Vandella says, "You may rue the day you mocked this key..."
*BANG*! "Sold to Ged for 544 silvers," exclaims Vandella the Auctioneer!
The auctioneer's assistants quickly shift the lot from the top of the display
table to underneath it, to make room for the next lot.
Swiftkill says, "Only if you get back out though."
Swiftkill grins. Ged grins. Darcy laughs!
Ged removes a platinum key from under the display table.
Elor exclaims, "Way to go, Ged. May Kuor be with thee!"
Ged says, "No clues from examining key."
                                               %%%%%
Ged put a platinum key inside his             %     %
  mountain backpack.                         % / = \ %++++++++\_\_\_\__
                                             % ===== @_________________^^\
                                             % \ = / %+++++++++++++++++-^^
                                              %     %
                                               %%%%%
  
  
                                    -11-
  
  
      
  
                           The Chocolate Chip Cookie
                           ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  
  
Vandella the Auctioneer *BANGS* her gavel! "The auction is now open. The
minimum bid is 200 silvers. Who will give me 200 silvers for a chocolate chip
cookie?"
Darcy bids 200 silvers. The next bid must be at least 210 silvers.
Ladimir says, "Actually carrying lotsa herbs, to spice cookie...cinnamin etc"
Swiftkill bids 600 silvers. The next bid must be at least 630 silvers.
(Darcy glares at Swiftkill!)
(Swiftkill wilts under the stern gaze of this charming elf)
Vandella says, "This cookie was specially baked by The Bakers Which Can Not
Be Named..."
Darcy says, "It's probably spiked.  <grin>"
Vandella says, "They frequently make cookies of exceptional value and taste."
Vandella says, "Sometimes the cookies are food for thought..."
Darcy exclaims, "Whoa!!"
Vandella says, "Sometimes food for healing the soul...."
Vandella says, "Sometimes food for healing the body...."
Vandella exclaims, "Sometimes... just food for fun!"
(Swiftkill has heard that similar cookies have caused near riots at company
picnics, minor wars and similar social activities)
Elor says, "Not to mention the Girls Scouts of Kulthea." Darcy laughs!
(Ladimir begins to sweat as he counts his coins)
Vandella says, "The Bakers are the choice among 100% of the surveyed Nobles
for baked items....."
(Darcy grins at Elor)
Vandella says, "This one time they have decided to allow one of their items
to be sold to the general public..."
Swiftkill bids 700 silvers. The next bid must be at least 735 silvers.
(Ladimir sweats even more)
Ladimir bids 1000 silvers. The next bid must be at least 1050 silvers.
Darcy exclaims, "Shoot!" (Ladimir begins to shake)
(Swiftkill *wondered* what that surveyor was doing at his castle, the one
whose briefcase is still being played with by the panthers)
Elor exclaims, "A chocoholic!"
Darcy exclaims, "Oh oh!  DTs!" Darcy grins.
Ladimir exclaims, "Need my fix! GRAH!"
Vandella says, "Certainly we can represent the value of the cookie better..."
Vandella says, "The high bid is only 1000..."
Elor asks, "Vandella will you be up for auction as well?"
Ladimir counts his coins.
Swiftkill bids 1111 silvers. The next bid must be at least 1166 silvers.
Ladimir bids 1500 silvers. The next bid must be at least 1575 silvers.
Vandella winks suggestively at Elor. (Darcy gasps!) Elor grins.
(Ladimir grunts and snorts)
Swiftkill says, "Hmm, getting a bit gooey in here."
Elor says, "Its Kinky Kelfour's."
Darcy laughs!
Vandella laughs!
Ladimir lies down. 
(Swiftkill pulls the wool over Lad's eyes.)
(Ladimir struggles helplessly on the ground)
Ladimir exclaims, "Ack!"
Darcy exclaims, "Eeeewwwww!"
Ladimir smiles at Swiftkill.
Vandella says, "Are there any other interested parties....."
 
 
 
                                     -12-
 
 
   
 
 
                            (Cookie Continued)
 
Ladimir says, "A baaaaaah joke." Elor laughs!
(Swiftkill looks sheepish but succeeds only in interesting the sweater)
(Darcy undulates over to Ladimir)
Vandella asks, "Only 1500 for a *CHOCOLATE* **CHIP** Cookie?"
Darcy asks, "You're going to share that, aren't you, Lad...?"
Elor asks, "Hey, no sheep jokes in mixed company. OK?"
Swiftkill bids 1600 silvers. The next bid must be at least 1680 silvers.
Ladimir says, "I asked if it could be shared."
(Darcy wraps her arms around Ladimir, looking hungry.)
Ladimir bids 1700 silvers. The next bid must be at least 1785 silvers.
Swiftkill says, "Hmm, chocolate *and* undulations. This I like."
Vandella exclaims, "1600!"
Ladimir says, "Like i said... a tork in heat."
Vandella exclaims, "For a cookie... and perhaps an opportunity to share it!"
Swiftkill says, "Well, looks like the lady has chosen, go for it Lad"
Ladimir asks, "How many bites?"
Swiftkill bids 1800 silvers. The next bid must be at least 1890 silvers.
Vandella says, "Certainly a cookie of this size...."
Darcy exclaims, "Ooooo!"
Swiftkill says, "Then again." Swiftkill grins.
Ladimir bids 1900 silvers. The next bid must be at least 1995 silvers.
(Darcy runs over to Swiftkill, still looking hungry.)
Vandella says, "More than 5..." Darcy exclaims, "Ack!"
Ladimir says, "Heheh" Darcy laughs! Swiftkill laughs!
Swiftkill bids 1995 silvers. The next bid must be at least 2094 silvers.
Ladimir counts his coins. Swiftkill grins. Ladimir says, "Hmm"
(Darcy sits down in the middle of the floor to await the victor.)
Ladimir stands back up. Ladimir counts his coins. Vandella laughs!
Ladimir bids 2250 silvers. The next bid must be at least 2362 silvers.
Swiftkill counts his coins. Elor says, "Wow."
Darcy smiles suggestively at Ladimir.
Ladimir says, "I offer a ruby to Swift."
Vandella exclaims, "2250!"
Swiftkill says, "Hmm, i could do it, but..." Darcy says, "Wow..."
Swiftkill says, "Sold." Swiftkill grins. Ladimir bows to Swiftkill.
*BANG* goes Vandella's gavel. "GOING ONCE," she cries!
Hrim's group just arrived. Vandella says, "2250 for the cookie...."
Swiftkill says, "Besides, you would have to drop something to get the cookie
anyway, but I can be a gentleman at times." Swiftkill grins.
*BANG* goes Vandella's gavel for the second time. "GOING TWICE" she exclaims.
Ladimir smiles at Swiftkill.
Vandella asks, "Any last minutes bidders?" Ladimir exclaims, "No!"
(Swiftkill ponders just to make Lad sweat but decides agin it.)
Darcy asks, "Chocolate chip cookie -- anyone else?"
Vandella glances once more around the room and then...
Ladimir smiles at Vandella.
Darcy says, "Awwww..."
*BANG*! "Sold to Ladimir for 2250 silvers," exclaims Vandella the Auctioneer!
The auctioneer's assistants quickly shift the lot from the top of the display
table to underneath it, to make room for the next lot.
Darcy just hugged Ladimir. 
(Ladimir faints.)
Elor exclaims, "Better find a cookie jar, Lad!" Swiftkill grins.
Valeria giggles.
Darcy exclaims, "I'll eat his cookie for him!"
Darcy starts jumping around like a twelve-year old.
 
 
                                   -13-
 
 
     
 
 
                            (Cookie Continued)
 
Ladimir asks, "Wha? What happened?" Ladimir sits up.
Darcy says, "You fainted, Ladimir. :)"
Ladimir says, "oooooooo." (Ladimir struggles up)
Swiftkill says, "And she ate your cookie, all of it, not a crumb left"
Vandella says, "She ate his...."
Darcy exclaims, "Hey! I did not!" Swiftkill grins. Ladimir stands back up.
Ladimir exclaims, "Oh no!"
Ladimir removes a chocolate chip cookie from under the display table.
Ladimir exclaims, "Yummy!"
Ladimir asks, "Can cookie be shared, Vandella?"
Vandella says, "Ladimir, certainly."
Ladimir says, "Have a bite, Dar."
Darcy picks up a chocolate chip cookie.
Darcy takes a bite of chocolate chip cookie. Nothing happens.
Vandella pulls a well-worn GM cap out of her pocket.
Darcy exclaims, "This is a BIG cookie!"
Darcy says, "Not this lady, and not with chocolate chip cookies. :)"
Swiftkill says, "Or the lady takes delicate bites"
Ladimir says, "You, too, Swift and Elor."
Swiftkill smiles. Ladimir says, "Hehe."
Vandella says, "Ladimir, Swiftkill, Elor, and Darcy..... thank you for a most
interesting end to the evening."
Swiftkill says, "And thank you, good lady, for your efforts."
Vandella gestures slightly and disappears in a puff of smoke as she rushes
off to answer an assist.
Swiftkill says, "ahh, thank you Lad, an honour indeed."
Ladimir asks, "Whose turn for a bite?"
Swiftkill takes a bite of chocolate chip cookie. Nothing happens.
Darcy says, "It said nothing happened, but then I'm not injured."
Swiftkill says, "Very tasty stuff"
Elor takes a bite of the chocolate chip cookie. Nothing happens.
Ladimir picks up a chocolate chip cookie. 
Swiftkill says, "Well, take care all, been a fun night"
Elor says, "Bye Swiftkill."
Ladimir exclaims, "Nite folks!" Elor says, "G'nite"
Ladimir just hugged Elor. Darcy just hugged Elor.
Elor just hugged Darcy.  Darcy exclaims, "Night!"
Ladimir just hugged Darcy. Darcy just hugged Ladimir.
Ladimir says, "Take care".
Darcy blushes a nice shade of off-pink.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
 $                                                                         $
 $  CATCH 22 CLAUSE: Deitrich says, "If any of these items are magical,    $
 $  good sirs, the knaves who sold me these goods did not see fit to       $
 $  inform me. Of course, I never had them checked...  Hmmm."              $
 $                                                                         $
 $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
 
 
 
 
 
                                     -14-
 
 
    
 
 
                             The Fine Map Case
                             ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  
Deitrich says, "The first item is this fine map case upon the display table."
Sadat asks, "What is so good about it?"
Deitrich says, "I have this case of the estate of the famed explorer, Gralen
Farseeker. His grieving widow sold it to me, extracting a horrendous amount,
citing its historical value."
Sirgeoffrey says, "Bah."
Sturm just opened a bronze map case.
(Sadat makes nasty noises with his arm pit.)
Sturm says, "It is empty."
(Hrim bursts into laughter.)
Deitrich says, "Unfortunately, the widow refused to part with the maps. :("
Deitrich the Auctioneer *BANGS* his gavel! "The auction is now open. The
minimum bid is 200 silvers. Who will give me 200 silvers for this fine item?"
Deitrich asks, "This fine item will be an asset to anyone's adventuring
equipment.  Any bids, good gentles?"
Yashantre bids 233 silvers. The next bid must be at least 244 silvers.
Blacdrake asks, "In a game with no maps?"
Deitrich exclaims, "Ahh, we have a bid!"
Swiftkill says, "You never know when you might find a map somewhere though."
*BANG* goes Deitrich's gavel. "GOING ONCE," he cries!
Deitrich smiles at Swiftkill.
(Neanderii thinks of the old saying a fool and his money...)
Deitrich asks, "233 is the current bid -- does anyone bid 245?"
Hrim asks, "Yashantre - why?"
Yashantre asks, "Why not?" Yashantre smiles.
Hrim says, "Good point..."
Rilfin says, "It appears bidding is over."
*BANG* goes Deitrich's gavel for the second time. "GOING TWICE," he exclaims.
Sirgeoffrey says, "Take it."
*BANG*! "Sold to Yashantre for 233 silvers," exclaims Deitrich the Auctioneer
The auctioneer's assistants quickly shift the lot from the top of the display
table to underneath it, to make room for the next lot. Neanderii smirks.
Yashantre removes a bronze map case from under the display table.
Yashantre put a bronze map case inside his leather backpack.
(Sadat claps)
Blacdrake smiles and applauds viciously.
  
                 _____ 
                /~~~~~\\
               /  ___, \\.                       oo_  ___
              ( :[===============================||-\/_]|
              ( :[===============================||-/\_]|
               \  ~~~' //                        oo~   ~~
                \_____//
                 ~~~~~~
  
                             The 27-String Lute
                             ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  
Deitrich says, "Next, we have this fine lute, of the rare 27-string variety."
Grib put a single Hudvaark feather inside his large sack.
Deitrich says, "This item is suitable for only the finest of musicians."
Deitrich the Auctioneer *BANGS* his gavel! "The auction is now open. The
minimum bid is 200 silvers. Who will give me 200 silvers for this fine item?"
Zinderen says, "No Bards here."
Usul says, "I follow the bardly ways, Zin.
  
                                    -15-
  
  
       
  
  
                             (Lute Continued)
  
Usul bids 275 silvers. The next bid must be at least 288 silvers.
Cyron bids 315 silvers. The next bid must be at least 330 silvers.
Usul bids 350 silvers. The next bid must be at least 367 silvers.
Gendflor bids 400 silvers. The next bid must be at least 420 silvers.
Sadat asks, "Anyone dare me to bid 1000?"
Gendflor bids 450 silvers. The next bid must be at least 472 silvers.
Gendflor laughs!
Cyron bids 472 silvers. The next bid must be at least 495 silvers.
Gendflor bids 500 silvers. The next bid must be at least 525 silvers.
Zinderen says, "13K for a troll skin sheath next door..."
Usul bids 525 silvers. The next bid must be at least 551 silvers.
Gendflor just went out.
Cyron bids 575 silvers. The next bid must be at least 603 silvers.
Deitrich asks, "We have 525, do I hear 600?"
Usul bids 603 silvers. The next bid must be at least 633 silvers.
Deitrich exclaims, "Good folk, 600 silvers for this fine lute is an insult!"
Usul bids 700 silvers.
Deitrich exclaims, "This was made by the master craftsmen of Torena, the
greatest instrument makers in the world!"
(Sadat flips off Deitrich)
Several of the auctioneer's many assistants suddenly grab Sadat and throw him
out of the tent! "Come back when you are willing to behave yourself," one of
them snarls!
Sadat just arrived. Sadat giggles.
(Cyron bops Usul and bids again.)
Cyron bids 750 silvers. The next bid must be at least 787 silvers.
Usul bids 787 silvers. The next bid must be at least 826 silvers.
Gendflor asks, "How much?"
Deitrich asks, "We have 787, do I hear 850?"
Cyron bids 850 silvers. The next bid must be at least 892 silvers.
Deitrich exclaims, "850! Do I hear 900?"
Usul bids 892 silvers. The next bid must be at least 936 silvers.
Cyron growls ferociously!
Gendflor says, "Shall I just say 5000?"
Cyron bids 950 silvers. The next bid must be at least 997 silvers.
Gendflor lies down. Deitrich asks, "950! Do I hear 1000?"
*BANG* goes Deitrich's gavel. "GOING ONCE," he cries!
Usul bids 1000 silvers. The next bid must be at least 1050 silvers.
Cyron says, "Argh."
Deitrich exclaims, "We have 1000!"
Deitrich asks, "Do I hear 1100?"
*BANG* goes Deitrich's gavel. "GOING ONCE," he cries!
*BANG* goes Deitrich's gavel for the second time. "GOING TWICE," he exclaims.
*BANG*! "Sold to Usul for 1000 silvers," exclaims Deitrich the Auctioneer!
The auctioneer's assistants quickly shift the lot from the top of the display
table to underneath it, to make room for the next lot.
One of the auctioneer's many assistants approaches you and relieves you of
the burden of all that silver.  "Please go forward and pick up your property
from underneath the display table," he says.
Usul removes a 27-stringed lute from under the display table. Cyron sighs.
Swiftkill says, "Alright Usul, glad you managed it."
Usul says, "Indeed." Usul bows to Swiftkill.
Usul bows to Cyron. Usul exclaims, "Cyr, thanks a lot!"
Cyron smiles. Cyron says, "You shall have to play for me, Usul."
Cyron whispers, "My fingers are too fat to play it anyway." Usul laughs!
 
                               ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
                                     -16-
 
   
 
      _____                  Kinky Kelfour's
      ~|_|~                  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
       |~|                  by Elor Once-Dark
       |~|
       |~|
      _|~|_ went uptown, I saw Miss Brown
      ~~~~~ She had that sugar, all over her boogie woogie
     She asked me to stick around, as she looked me up and down
     Guess Miss Brown was getting down, in this kinky part of town.
 
               Nice one, that's what they say
               Nice one, but I'm leaving here today
               Oh Honey, please don't play
               I can't stay... I've got to get away
 
            From... Kinky Kelfour's, its kinky as kinky can be
            Yes it's... Kinky Kelfours now
            Kinky Kelfour's... people say its a fantasy
            But it's...Kinky Kelfour's now
 
     Later I went to the Raging Threk Inn, That's where I saw this Halfling
     He had this tasty tart all over his candy bar.
     Thought I might join the fun, but I had to hit and run
     See, I just can't settle down in this kinky, kinky part of town
 
               Ride on, that's what I say
               Ride on, but I'm leaving here today
               Oh darling, I can't stay
               I can't play... I've got to get away
 
            From... Kinky Kelfour's, it's kinky as kinky can be
            Yes it's... Kinky Kelfour's now
            Kinky Kelfour's... people say it's a fantasy
            But it's... Kinky Kelfour's now.
  
  
                         Mission SIMpossible
                         ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
                          by Elor Once-Dark
An open letter:
  
Well, SIMutronics, your mission was accomplished successfully! The auction
was SIMsational! You created SIM City for a day. It seemed more like Knotts
Landing than Kelfour's Landing, but, hey! we were all in SIMbiosis with you.
It was SIMilar to but better than a nice fourSIM of golf, going out for Dim
SIM, or listening to the music of Frank SIMatra and SIMi Hendrix! It was like
Ev'rybody Loves SIMbody SIMtime, That's SIMcredible, and SIMply IrriSIMtable
rolled into one! It sure beat watching Johnny CarSIM or the SIMurfs, not to
mention TarSIM of the Jungle. It had some dull moments but as they say, "Win
SIM, lose SIM!" It was a Zoo, and boy did we ever act like SIMians out there.
Don't consider that last remark anti-SIMetic or anything. You are wholeSIM
and SIMpathetic individuals and I know there is no reSIMblance to SIMister
and SIMfamous characters in our past like Charles ManSIM, or Richard NixSIM,
for example. We should all consider ourselves to be the ChoSIM people. All we
want out of life is to be SIMbody. At least the Auction was a bloodless
event, no one was SIMacking each other with SIMitars. It could have been a
bloody SIMil War, you know! Fires are caused by arSIMists, and we're all just
floatSIM and JetSIM in the SIMulated Sea of Life!
  
Please Sirs, I want SIM more! If this is too much for you, take two AnaSIMs
and call GemSIM in the morning. It's all SIMantics, you know!
 
                                   -17-
 
     
  

  A Poetic Tale by Owlet Stalmorgan
  
  
                               FIGHTER
          _____                ~~~~~~~
          ~|_|~  
           |~|   
           |~|   
           |~|   
          _|~|_  have no spells, I cannot sleep or charm,
          ~~~~~ My life depends upon my good right arm.
                In truth, at times that has not been enough
                And I have tasted death, that bitter dust.
  
  
                Hunt in a group, they say. Sometimes I do,
                For I enjoy the camaraderie too,
                The wild confusion, countdown, ready jest
                Of Shopan, River, Dag and all the rest.
  
  
                But I am drawn apart, I know not why,
                It's not because I have a wish to die,
                Rather to live, to test the inner me
                Alone against the monster.  It must be.
  
  
                            %                 %
                           %/%               %/%
                          %///%        :    %///%
                         %//  /%      //:  %/  //%
                        %/     /%    //   %/     /%
                       %//     //-%  @  %-//     //%
                      %/        /''%(o)% '/       //%
                     %//       / '' (o) '' /       //%
                      %//   /// '' (ooo) '''///   //%
                       % ///'''''' (ooo) ''''''/// %
                        %/'''/'/'''%(o)%'''/'/''''%
                         )/     /'% (o) %'/    '/(
                         %       %   o   %        %
                        % /   / %         % /    / %
                        %      %           %       %
                         %  / %             %  /  %
                          %  %               %   %
                            %                  %
  
  
                I had a hunting partner, once, but she ...
                Ah, there's a tale that you'll not hear from me
                Today. I'm at the weatherbeaten sign.
                A final check before I cross the line.
  
  
                Somewhere beyond the trough, the pool, unseen,
                Perhaps in some dusty glade I've never been
                He waits. I hate him not... Does he feel wrath
                Toward me?  I do not know.  I sigh.  Go path.
  
  
  
  
                                      -18-
  
  
     
  
  
  Continued...
   
   
                                  LOSTLOVE
    ===========                   ~~~~~~~~
    ||~~|~|~~|| 
    ~~  |~|  ~~ 
        |~|     
        |~|   here was a time when she'd arrive and Think to me
        |~|   "Owlet...?"  My heart would skip a beat and I would be
       ~~~~~  Suddenly more alive and I would run to her
        ()    And we would hunt and talk and laugh.  We were
        ()    As much in love, I thought, as two could be.
        ()
        ()
        ()      Then came a day when she arrived and no call came.
        ()      I searched the Land and Thought and Thought her name.
        ()      No answer... none... And it was then I knew
        ()      That she was with another, and those few,
        ()      Bright days with her were gone... It's not the same.
        ()
        ()
        ()        I saw her, once, in town on North Ring Road,
        ()        And said hello, and wondered as I stood,
      (^\/^)      If crystal had been chosen as the means
       \  /       Of thought for clarity or because our dreams
        \/  \     Are shattered just as easily as amulets.
  
           (^\/^) 
            \  /  
             \/ \  
                    */
                 -\(^  -
                 /   /^) /  -
                  *\/ -/*
  
  
                                   ASLPOCL
                                   ~~~~~~~
  
                We meet from time to time throughout the Land,
                Exchange some pleasantries, perhaps a wand
                If I've be fortunate enough to find
                A few.  We talk, she's gracious, thoughtful... kind
                And I must constantly remind
                Myself that it's no more than that.
  
  
                Too soon we part, each on our separate way,
                Captives of the game we chose to play.
                What would she do if only I could say
                What's in my heart... be angry, turn away?
                Nevermind. She was my friend today
                And I can only dream of more than that.
  
  
  
                                 ~~~~~~~~~~~
  
  
                                     -19-
  
  
    
  
  
  
                              No Regrets
                              ~~~~~~~~~~
  
                            by Phaedra Bleu
     ______    
    /~/~~\~\   
   |~|    |~|  
   |~|    |~|  
   |~|    |~|  
   |~|    |~| nce I had a love but laid it by.
    \~\__/~/   I placed it on a high rock ledge
     ~~~~~~     And left it there to die.                                  *
                 I climbed the mountain                                   /
                  Path, to seek green                                   __|
                   Pastures in the sky                               __=*  
                                                                    / .    
              The mountain top I found, but there                 ./  =    
               Were only rocks                                    |  __  \ 
                And chill damp air.                               | _*%  \ 
                 The shrill winds moaned.                         | %|     
                  The scrub oaks cried,                          _/    _/  
                  "Despair, despair."                            \       _=
                                                                  |   / /  
                                                                  |  / /   
              The steep descent was slow.                         | / /    
               But there, upon the ledge,                         | \ \    
                Far, far below --                                 |  \ \   
                 The warm spring rains                            |  / /   
                  Had found my love                              /| / /  
                   And made it grow.                         .  / |/ /   
                                                               :  ( |    
                                                              / .  /     
              I saw my love, but passed it by.               /. . (    
               For there is no                              /  : .|    
                Return, and I                              /    . |    
                 Descended to the fields below            /   ___*/    
                  And listened to the willows cry.       /   (  /   // 
                                                        /    |  /  /   
                                                       /     |         
                                                      /      |   \\    
                                                     /       |  _  \   
                                                    /        | / \  \  
                                .._._              /         |/   \  \ 
                              /%%:%:%%;\          /         /      \\  
                             //%:%%^;^^%\        /         /         \ 
                            | %//\\;|\\\%|      /         /     =      
                           |///\////%/\\\%     /         /   __=       
                          |%%///\ \\/ /%\\%   /         /   (__)_      
                          :%/%/|/\ \./ /.%%| /         /      (__)     
                         |.%/// /|  | %.\\%|/         /     \_         
                         | .|   .| o|   . |/         /     /           
                   __           /|  |     /.        %      *           
                _-(__)-----..--//    \--_--------./----:-----*--/--    
             --------.--------//      ==-======/                       
         --------.-----------           ~
       ========.-  ------
  
  
  
                                  -20-
  
  
     
  
  
       _____    _____           Warrior's Song
       +|~ ~\  /~ ~|+          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
        |~|\~\/~/|~|         Gyphalan Gylfaerion 
        |~| \~~/ |~|   
        |~|  ~~  |~|   
       _|~|      |~|_ y song is the singing of bow strings.
       ~~~~~    ~~~~~ My laughter the ringing of steel.
                  My honor's my most prized possession.
                  My face belies less than I feel.
  
                  While Spell-smiths and Healers are noble,
                  Their crafts are arcane and obscure.
                  Rather than trust to their musty old lore,
                  I'll trust to my hands strong and sure.
  
                  In the lovely young maidens' direction
                  My heart may occasionally tug.
                  Without words to charm them, or looks that disarm them,
                  They leave with a smile and a shrug.
  
                  I yearn not for conquest or power,
                  And judge not another man's sin.
                  I'm lured back to battle, a moth to a candle,
                  I live for the fight not the win.
  
                  My one solemn wish for this lifetime,
                  'Mid chaos and combat's last stand,
                  To be true to my honor and comrades
                  And die with my sword in my hand.
   
                  My song is the singing of bow strings.
                  My laughter the ringing of steel.
                  My honor's my most prized possession.
                  My face belies less than I feel.
  
  
   _________________________________________________________________________
  / \                           HALL OF FAME                                \
  |@/_______________________________________________________________________/
  |                                                                         |
  |              Let fame that all hunt after in their lives                |
  |                 Live register'd upon our brazen tombs                   |
  |                When spite of cormorant devouring Time                   |
  |             The endeavours of this present breath may buy               |
  |          That Honour which shall bate His scythe's keen edge            |
  |                  And make us Heirs of all Eternity;                     |
  |_                                                                        |
   /-----------------------------------|------------------------------------/
  |  Bard      Mendle Seldagrave   15  |  High Human   Benar Stormarm    12 |
  |  Ranger    Landreth deLorde    15  |  Common Man   Beolost Lamontt   10 |
  |  Mage      Cyann Dreamcaster   14  |  Dwarf        Vesitsa Talchild  12 |
  |  Fighter   Kirc Bloodguard     11  |  Halfling     Doppel Ganger      8 |
  |  Thief     Valeria Deering     16  |  Wood Elf     Celeborn Greysndir 6 |
  |  Cleric    Erebor Bordeaux     11  |  High Elf     Strom O'Berin      6 |
  |  Sorceror  Niun S'Intel         8  |  Half Elf     Tulkas Gwath      16 |
  |  Healer    Vesitsa Talchild    12  |  Fair Elf     Valeria Deering   16 |
  |------------------------------------|------------------------------------|
/@| Current GSIII Fame Rankings by Profession and Race as of June 29, 1990  |
\_/_________________________________________________________________________/
   
   
                                    -21-
   
      
  
      _____                 Light's Labour Lost
      ~|_|~                 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
       |~|            Usul Lu'nak as inspired by THE BARD
       |~|      
       |~|   __ 
       |~|___|| ight seeking light doth light of light beguile.
       ~~~~~~~~ To seek the light of truth while truth the while
           Doth falsely blind the eyesight of that look
           Til one doth know that which the eye mistook.
           Beware, lest thee find where light in darkness lies.
           The light grows dark by the losing of thine eyes!
 
           While one doth study to have what one would,
           One doth forget to do the thing one should,
           And when one has the thing one hunted most,
           Tis won as towns with fire; so won, so lost!
 
           To what end, this study? Dost thou not know?
           Why, that to know what others be forbid to know.
           But lest lips speak words the darkest truth doth show:
           An entrance vow, for silence sworn thus makes it so!
 
           But I, having sworn too hard a keeping oath,
           Study thus to break it and still preserve my troth.
           And weed the corn and still let grow the weeding.
           For spring is near when green-geese are a-breeding!
 
           How follows that? Fit in this place and time?
           In Reason nothing; Something then in Rhyme?
           Thus I wonder, although I seem most loath:
           Who shall be the last that will last keep his oath?
           For truth prevails, of that have thee not doubt.
           These words are but a whisper. Thy deafness: a SHOUT!
  
  
 _____                   Nursery Crymes
 ~|~|                    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~     __
  |~|                                      / ~|
  |~|   __ ittle Miss Muffet              //|~|
  |~|___||  Sat on a tuffet              //_|~|
  ~~~~~~~~ Eating her curds and whey.   //~~|~|s I did walk by Kelfour Square
       Along came a spider,            ~~~  ~~~~ I came upon Mother Goose,
       And did try to bite her.      In a hangman's noose. She was screaming!
  This spider Miss Muffet did slay.  
                                     A local trader said to me:
   ______                            "Tis really true, Did you cut her loose?
   ~~|~|~                             I heard it from an old man."
     |~|ill and Hank went up the bank 
__   |~| To Fetch a tuft of orc hair. Then I walked down to the graveyard bog
||   |~| Hank got bored and           To try and have some fun, fun, fun!
 \\_/~/         swung his sword,      There must've been at least a hundred
  ~~~~ Jill's head came tumbling      Goblins slobbin'in their handkerchiefs
                        off her!        as one, one, one!
_____   ______                            (I don't believe they knew...
+|~ _~\/~_ ~|+                            I was the curious mystic...)
 |~| \~~/ |~|ary had a little scam.
 |~|  ~~  |~|Her skin was quite a show.   A dark assassin said to me:
_|~|      |~|_ So ev'rywhere that         "If you don't stop your ravin'
~~~~~    ~~~~~   Mary went                And your misbehavin'...
          The boys were _sure_ to go!     You'll be sorry!"
  
  
                                     -22-                             -end-
                                                                    KE V1N2

See Also: