Nations on the Brink (storyline)/The Hazards of Being Harold (vignette)

This vignette is a direct result of incidents on 08-08-2023.

The Hazards of Being Harold

It wasn't always like this, Harold thought as he reflected on the past several years. He'd been left the decrepit tavern by a great aunt who was mildly eccentric but kind and sweet. Though he hadn't seen her in almost a century, he remembered her from his youth and she had remembered him. It was nice to be remembered, most people forgot about him.

Harold had moved into the Tavern almost immediately and every time he turned around there was a new item that he forced him to dip into the coffers to resolve. Taxes hadn't been paid on the Tavern in five years. He needed to pay those before he could get city ordinances to address the stress fractures in the foundation. However, days into the foundation fix, the furnace exploded in the basement and had to evacuate the building while he got a pumping crew to excavate the water. Water in the basement washed away old cement and exposed a five centuries old body. Luckily, neither his family nor his aunts had owned the property when the poor elf had expired, but that didn't mean the investigation didn't drag on for months and months. He and his wife had to find shelter outside of the tavern while that was going on and as yet another turn of "Harold's Luck," as his wife liked to call it, the investigators never told them they were clear to return. It was two months of inquiries to the Sapphire Guard because they admitted that the notice was sent to the Tavern, which Harold wasn't allowed to enter, instead of the Moonglae Inn, where he was currently forced to reside.

Upon arriving at the structure, they found that the two months of no movement had allowed a hefty number of rats and pigeons to move into the structure. Harold shelled out as much money as he could to get the extermination handled before his wife found out. That night, the engine of an airship had shuddered and ended up flying low before its crew could reengage it. Every building on the street had all its windows blown out, which was fine as the insurances of Illistim were equipped with handling such public and private issues as airship malfunctions causing damage to local property. The statute had been in place for almost a thousand years.

Except that Harold never received his insurance renewal. While he was arguing with the insurance agencies, his neighbors were getting their windows replaced or in the queue for repairs. Harold was not only last on the list but forced to pay higher demand prices and while he was waiting for windows, the spring weather was unkind. Harold was forced to repaint the walls of each room and repair much of the stucco.

One morning Harold was greeted by a neighbor who asked when he planned on cleaning his side of the alley between the tavern and his other elf's business. Harold, a bit haggard and tired, immediately left to do so before any calamity befell the task and discovered the bulk of his missing mail. Sodden and nearly illegible, the return notice and insurance vouchers were in the mix. As was the long-awaited inspection from the City Ordinances Office. Consumed with reading the lengthy list of repairs before he would be granted a liquor license, Harold tripped over the storm drain and broke his leg.

While laying in pain, on his back in the alley, Harold noticed that several of the drainage pipes connected to the somewhat decorative cornices of the Tavern were missing screws. He promptly forgot about it but remembered again four months later when the entire external drainage system fell off the building and damaged the neighbor's shop.

The misses was a bit displeased when he admitted to her that he forgot.

Harold spent the next two years working every odd job he could find in the Shining City, while also trying to keep an eye on the construction crews that he was pretty sure were fleecing him. He was fairly convinced that his wife was going to leave him after the string of calamities, but she seemed to be weathering things well. That is until the day of the floor varnishing.

Harold could have sworn he told the painters that the tavern wouldn't be available for paint touch-ups until the 24th. He knew that the floor varnished needed eight days to fully harden and his wife was going to be away at her sister's for those days. He scheduled with the painters to be there the day she arrived.

Unfortunately, he smudged his eight and the painters had legitimate proof that he told them three days! They managed to traipse mahogany varnish over all the hall rugs and to leave behind tacky, raised footprints everywhere. Harold called the friend of a guy he worked with by the docks, begging him to help him with the issue. The man acquiesced and provided him with contact for a pair of mages that worked with a varnishing company. They were expensive, and they were booked, but they could get the floor varnished and use magic to quickly dry the whole thing. It would require the tavern to be empty for twenty-four hours, but Harold knew he had two days before his wife was due back so he paid the fee and spent the day working or purchasing new runners for the halls and stairs, only resting long enough to observe a weird knight statue being removed from the Green. Everything was going smoothly, the first real break that Harold had during this project, which was coming to a close.

Only, his wife, planning to leave him, came home a day early. He discovered this because he noticed a lacy velvet boot fused to the floor… a step away, the other boot, a little further along, the rose-patterned left-foot stocking, just beyond, the right, and around the corner, a weeping woman who couldn't pry her feet free of the floorboards because the varnish had set around her skin.

Horrified and concerned, he rushed to her and she fell into a fit of panic and flailing arms. She'd been standing there for two hours afraid to sit because she thought she might get stuck to the floor. Apparently, if she'd been five minutes later, the magic would have resolved itself and she could have walked freely. Harold immediately went to get an empath and to buy a rug. He was damned if he was going to pay for the floors to be refinished again.

It was two more months before the tavern was finished, it was six weeks before his wife would speak to him again, and it would be another three weeks before her feet were fully healed. The empath had come three times each week.

When the riots started in the streets of Ta'Illistim, Harold was worried. He was broke. His wife was leaving him when the three weeks of healing were up and he was desperate. On the night of the 8th, he was standing in the foyer looking at his wife, whom he still loved, when they both heard a noise in the attic.

"The rats are back?" she exclaimed.

"You knew about that?" he mumbled under his breath as he began to take the stairs.

A loud screeching sound filled the air.

"Oh no, the rioters are in the house!" she cried.

"Come on," he said pulling her close. "I don't want anything happening to you in this tomfoolery."

As he rushed out of the house with her, he saw plumes of smoke rising from the attic and was surprised at the almost giddy feeling he got.

Neighbors rushed about calling for the fire brigade, but Harold was rather numb and transfixed by the latest turn of events. His wife, huddled close to him, her arms wrapped around his waist for the first time in months. "Yes, please," he said in a shocked and lackluster tone. "Save the house."

His wife looked up at him and a slow smile crept across her face.

They stood on the streets as the Swirling Tempest came through and put out the lingering flames.

He went to the lockbox he now kept in the basement and pulled out his crisp new insurance papers and deed, as well as a number of miscellaneous receipts, and marched straight to the Ordinance Office.

"I'd like to file a claim against damages due to the neglect of the Sapphire Guard. Here is the insurance, here is the deed, and here is the list of recent improvements to the property that were completely undone when rioters entered the property and burned it down."

The clerk asked for a moment to review and scurried off to find a manager. They returned an hour later.

"Harold..." the manager began but Harold would hear none of it.

"Subsection forty-five point twelve of the Building Ordnance and Respectability Act clearly states that anytime there is negligence on the Sapphire Guards' behalf that causes damage to property that the victim shall present all current insurances, the deed to the property, and all bills of improvements for the past ten years to be compensated in full and that if the owner so deems, they may relinquish ownership at the same time and be compensated fair market value for the property before the destruction took place."

Turning to look at his wife, Harold said, "My wife and I would appreciate you depositing it into our City-States account by close of business and would like an advance on it now. After all, we are moving to Ta'Nalfein and will need to buy clothes for the trip."

Harold's wife squeezed him tight, tears of joy in her eyes as her family was from Ta'Nalfein.

Stammering, the manager had no choice but to acquiesce.