The Epic of Bleeds (poetry)
Title: The Epic of Bleeds Author: (Unknown)
I'm new to the town,
Don't have any gear,
A poor NEW-BIE
Honest work's what I fear.
So I stand in TS
As I yell through the din:
"Someone give me some coins!!"
(Then I'll yell it again!)
Soon comes the refrain:
"Get a job!" they all say,
So of course I must prove
Sloth really does pay
I'll cut and I'll paste
(Same typos and all)
"Gimme cions!!"
"Gimme cions!!"
I'll yell (then I'll bawl)...
But fades in an angel
A man dressed in black,
Ora scythe in his hand,
Leather cloak on his back...
He pulls out a stick
A rod made of laen
He waves it at me
As he sings his refrain
Oh, Lord Bleeds,
Won't ye sleep me please?
I fear I have caught
A crippling disease!
I have not a sword,
I know not a spell,
I'm stuck in TS
And do nothing but yell!
"Knock it off," yells The Bleeds,
Waves his rod made of laen
I slump to the ground
Sticky webs in my brain
I wake in a daze,
The Bleeds - what a jerk!
I head to Moot Hall:
It's on to the Clerk!
I enter his office
And scream for a job
He gives me a message,
A wink and a nod,
"Find the Fortune-telling Gypsy!"
He says with a grin,
Now I'll yell on the net,
Though some think it a sin.
"OH WHERE IS THE GYPSY??"
"OH WHERE CAN SHE BE??"
Then comes the reply
"Shaddap!" thinks The Bleeds.
Oh Lord Bleeds,
Won't you web me please?
Sling that spell,
Make my body freeze.
My time runs short,
I need to yell,
So please, Lord Bleeds,
Please cast your spell!
A rat bit my leg,
My arm and my head
I'm not gonna die,
(It's the bruises I dread.)
I go to TS
To sing of my pain,
I belt out my lines -
Oh no! HIM again!!
Oh Lord Bleeds
Won't you sleep me please?
Wave that rod,
Make me weak in the knees!
My pain is great!
My boo-boos many!
Don't let me sing
And be a ninny!
Once more to the hunt!
Back into the fray!
But alas, yet again,
It just isn't my day.
I fear I've been cursed
My luck is so poor
An orc slit my throat
`Ere I'm outta the door
A friend drags my corpse
To the middle of town
Yells "REZZ MY FRIEND!!"
And elicits a frown
From The Bleeds..
But I know (I have proof!)
The more that I whine
The better my chances
Of living on time... so...
"HELP!! REZZ ME NOW!!!"
I'll scream and I'll beg
OW!!! What was that???
A sharp pain in my leg!
"Shaddap!" yells The Bleeds,
Then he kicks me again!
"Be quiet, you fool!"
"Don't add to the din!"
"I NEED AN LK!!!!!!!!!!"
(Don't know what that means)
I scream it because -
It's what dead people scream.
"Bleeds will cut off your lips!"
Yells ol' webby once more,
Grabs onto my arm,
Drags me into a store.
My tale ends here.
I'm sorry to say.
The Bleeds has my body...
He won't let me decay.
"I'LL B BACK!! U WILL SEE!!!"
My mighty corpse roars,
"I WILL REEK MY REVENGE!!"
"THEN I'LL REEK IT SOME MORE!!"
"Sure you will, " smirks The Bleeds,
As my 'puter grows dim...
Guess I'll wait till tomorrow
'fore I log in again
See Also
- True Evil (essay) by Bleeds